I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note - torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one. ~Henry Ward Beecher
Now as for Wollf, I seem to have a great amount of Forgiveness in me. It may have entirely too much to do with the Forgetfulness that is so manifest in my ADD nature.
Heh....Especially when it comes to the people that I truly care about.
Now that I'm being "treated", I'm able to focus on memories quite a bit better. Twenty years, even in the Best of relationships, can build up a huge number of resentments. With me, they weren't abundant. With Shewhowon'tbenamed, they piled to the clouds.
The key, in my less than humble opinion, is forgetting. Realize, that I didn't have to do the hard work of setting aside petty annoyances. I was simply "blessed" with two separate incidents of major head trauma. One, a less than friendly Brahma bull, and the other, a less that flight worthy Huey UH-1.
More on those stories as this Blog evolves, I'm sure. (Man of Mystery)....heh
Anyway, there really is a point. I probably should save the serious subject matter for Muggle days.
The way the human mind seems to work, we Cannot Forgive that which we cannot Forget. It is clear to me that once we make a conscious and spiritual decision to forgive someone, we should be Honor bound to do as Beecher says. Tear it up and burn it.
Put it out of your mind and up on a back shelf if necessary, but never look at it again. It's not fair to the person you have forgiven to bring it up again. Difficult? I'm sure it is, but if you have Honor, it can be done. The longer you avoid thinking about it, the more it fades into memory.
If you can't seem to shake it, if the bad memory of a wrong keeps popping into your mind...........you haven't actually Forgiven, have you? Forgive me, if you will, for writing this tonight. It's wholly selfish on my part.
You see, the She-cub is having a difficult time with BoywhoIallow Tolive, and something he did to hurt her feelings. She told him that she forgave him, but continues to make him suffer. (not that I really care, he's not good enough forher anyway....heh, Who amongst Mortals is?)
I needed to work this out for me, so that I can help her to be a better Woman. I think the bottom line is that she has "accepted his apology", but she refuses to "forgive" him.
Seems I've seen that situation before.......hmmmm, oh well, I'm sure it'll come to me.
Done with serious. Taking a break.
Smokes if you got 'em.
Don't eat the C-rats, they're WWII.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Interesting post - has got me to thinking and wondering. I have heard it said that when we are dealing with grief, it is like working with the layers of an onion. We keep experiencing it and dealing with it on deeper and deeper levels (layers) of our Being. So, I'm wondering if it might be the same with forgiveness. Once we feel ready to forgive, we have to do so from many levels of our Being and that takes time and work. It's easy enough to pay lip service to our willingness to forgive - but in order to forgive from a deep level of our Being, we have to re-experience the injury and work through the pain to forgiveness at Each level.
I've been thinking about this alot since I first read the post.. and I've thought about it alot at other times in my life and somewhere in "forgive and forget" there is a disconnect for me.
To me forgiving includes the agreement that it won't be discussed, that I won't beat you up about it. The incident has been put in the past and locked there.
The part I have trouble with is the forget part. I seriously would like to know where that came from. Am I taking it too literally? When we are talking about something that causes major pain how can anyone expect you to forget?
For example.. drug abuser parent makes the kids life a living hell. As an adult it will serve the "kid" well to forgive the parent for their weakness and inability to be a good parent but do you expect that person to actually forget? In forgiving don't we change our feeling from anger to sadness about the event. Isn't forgiving the release of the anger?
If a spouse is verbally abusive but sincerely repentant and is forgiven is the next offence a "first offence" since we don't remember it ever having happened before? How about the next instance... and the next?
How can we learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others if we don't remember the pain that such actions caused?
I really want to know why people say you have to forget to truly forgive... and I want to know what they mean by that. I believe that I have truly forgiven people for things that I still remember as if they happened yesterday.
Miss Wink, I think you may have taken me a bit too literally, but odds are, I should probably get in the habit of "editing" or at least reading what I write before publishing. I'm in Wizard mode, so I'll try to be clear and on point.
First, you've given two examples that seem to be opposites. One, the drug abusing parent and the adult child. The chances of that parentdoing the same horrid thing to a now non exisient child is nil. Thus "forgetting" seeems to be logical. What possible good is it to keep in your mind? IF you forgave the parent, it seems to me that they know that they hurt you, they can't do it again, for your own health, lrt it slip away.
The second is completely different in that the abusuve spouse "Can" do it again. I wouldn't dream of saying "Just forget it", as in a total reformat, never happened kind of thing, that would be dangerous. If the spouse is Truly repentant, as in did the whole anger management, counseling thing, then IF you've decided to forgive, you simply have to put it away. You can't bring it up again, but you can't look at the next time as being the first. The "next" time is the Last. For if you "forgave and forgot" such a grievous breach....and then they did it again? They didn't Repent, did they? It's curb time.
Figuratively=Forget
Literally=Put it away
Where did you go on the web today? Can't remember all the sites, right? You "forgot". Press the "history" key. It's all there for reference IF you need it.
But if you don't need it.....stay away from that key.
If that mad ANY sense, I'm gonna have to start writing after the muggle wears off.
Thanks for the "taking to task".
Wollf
Post a Comment