It's time, I think, for me to revisit the Reasons for this site's existence. Here's the basics:
I started this blog as a semi-private arena to work out some very troublesome mental, spiritual and emotional issues that I, in my ignorant bliss, had been unaware of.
The pain of a family being torn apart, blaming myself, and yet not really seeing what I had done that was so..........Horrible. I wanted to Understand. I quit drinking, started Counseling, began Meditation......all in the hopes that I would "figure it out".
That she would see the hard work aand sincerity of purpose and agree to couple counseling to save and make beter a union of twenty years. I made progress. Then the diagnosis of ADD. Holy crap, what a surprise that was.
I was given a tool in my Quest that has been a missing part since I was eighteen years old......Focus. Now, not only could I do the pyscho-spiritual work necessary.......it became Clear. And most importantly, it stuck to what has been my Teflon Brain.
Things have changed since this site's inception. Where I Desperately needed my wife to Love me, Now the only thing I Need is to Love my Cubs.
Where I wanted to Save the Marriage, now I wish to keep this Divorce on the most Civil of terms, dare I say "friendly", for the Cubs.
Because of my work, and this miraculous new Focus, I've quit beating myself up with blame. I was broken, in fact I guess I still am, as we All are. I wish the best for her. She has got a lot of work to do on herself besides updating her wardrobe.
(sorry, but sarcasm intended).
I can't expend the psychic energy on her. I'l love her in a way, but.....
I Am Done With Her. Emotionally, mind you. I shall be kind, but it's time to end this. Because, just when I think it's "safe"........Bammo, someone hits the start button on the roller coaster again.......I need to secure a solid future for myself, and thus my Cubs. I'll have the most "expendable" income to help out in beginning their young adult lives.....
Then, another Really surprising thing is that I actually have a readership. Aaagh. People are reading my innermost thoughts.........quite the humbling experience.
I've seen the tenor of the writing change. Where I "say" in my profile that this is letting my mind out to play........I now see that. Where when I began, this was Work, now it really is Fun.....most of the time. Thanks Folkes for helping to make that happen.
So there you go. I want the ADD to permeate the writing, I hope you understand, because it's such a part of who I, and others like me, am. I really don't edit these things at all, except friggin' spell check...which Hates me. I want other people to see how the "Bouncing Brain" works.
It's not a curse..........and as one of my Dearest readers has said, "It's by gosh not uninteresting".
I'll back in a few. I've come quite a ways since this began. I've got quite a ways to go because ...
It's a Journey, not a destination.