Moonrise

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Ok, this one is a bit more fun......

I've had my fill of Politics and Protests and all the Bravo Sierra that goes with them.......

But, for my Dear Friendlies up in the Chi-Town area.....who can resist making fun of your Bleak, or is that *black* situation.....this from one of your newspapers.....

And then it gets Better....ol' Blaggo goes and appoints a successor to Obamas seat...Roland Burris, a guy who can't remember giving $14 grand to Blaggo, then,

Rep. Bobby Rush, D-Ill., is urging Senate leaders not to block the appointment of Roland Burris, pointing out that he would be the only black member of the chamber, that he didn't want Burris "Lynched, or Hanged"...

Listen up, A-Hole, we just elected the first African American as President of the United States.....put that Race Card back in your very own Racist pocket where it belongs.

Remember that not long ago, ol' Roland famously caused a controversy by referring to his Democratic primary opponents -- Jim Burns, Glenn Poshard (who eventually won the nomination) and John Schmidt -- as "non qualified white boys."

It doesn't work anymore. I hope that All American People take note of who the Racists really are. Burris and Rush are punks, plain and simple. Blaggo is a crook in the finest Chi-Town political tradition, and I'm G-dawful tired of the protest that's on the horizon for this poor great grandson of a slave.

Think I'll do a pre-emtory Protest......wanna join?

Besides, it seems to me that the Seat has actually been vacated by a "Half White" African American.....where's the "Justice" for "Our" half of the Seat?

To play fair, they have only one well known candidate for the vacancy.....

Senator Tiger Woods. No, I'm not kidding all that much. He has almost as much experience as Obama had.....and just as much, although he's notably more intelligent than Caroline Kennedy, heir apparent in New York.

I need a drink.
Wollf

Happy New Year.......

From Wollf and his Dragn.....we're off to start the New Year together....

Hope that you Folkes will be a part of it.

*It's Good to find the Yin to your Yang....*

Monday, December 29, 2008

Then We Got Lost..........

And that is how most of our Grand Adventures begin....by getting lost, I mean....

Coming home from the London Bridge, Arizona that is, in two vehicles, Dragn was excited to be able to drive on historic Highway 66.....we took the turn off, and cruised along not knowing or really caring what to expect, crossed the Colorado back into Arizona again.....kinda the wrong way for heading back to the Lair...but heck,

We found Oatman. The town. Well kinda a town. I think it's biggest claim to fame is that it's a magnet to wild Burros....as in those lil' Donkey critters....for a buck you buy a bag of carrots and have a friend for Life....or at least the life of the bag of carrots.

Lil' Wolfie and the Dragonlings loved 'em......

Absolutely adorable critters, semi domesticated, soft and aching for attention.....and carrots. They're wild, but they know what side their carrot is buttered. In another location, they might well be seen as large, hoofed vermin, but in Oatman.....they rule.

Then, after exploring the town abit, and making more hoofed friends, not to mention running into an old adventurer friend....in the frigging middle of Nowhere, the Cubs and Dragonlings looked up and saw.......this.

"Can we hike up it, Wollf?"
It was pretty imposing, and after discussing the parameters of the hike itself, the time involved and the possible dangers.......The Four Bigger Wolfie and the Dragonlings decided to hang around in town while Lil'Wolfie the 11yr old and I scoped it out.

Poor Dragn........she'd have loved it, but Lil'Wofie decided that it might be too dangerous for her and the other older "Boyz"......at least we took the video camera.

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Adventure......ahhhh....getting lost is half the recipe.....

Oh, and after you're done fuming at me, check the comments, won't ya?
Happy New Year coming soon.......
Wollf

All I have to say.......


Not feeling like dwelling on the "current" troubles facing Israel and Palestine. Besides, it will Never be over.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas.......

From the London Bridge......I'll post later when I have time.....two Cubs, three Dragnlings and a Dragn with a sniffly nose.....but she's atrooper.......

To all my Democrat friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2009, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes.

To all my Republican friends:

Merry Christmas and a Prosperous New Year
Wollf

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Vacation.......

Hory Clap....I'm on vacation. No, Really....off work for nine days, taking the Cubs and the Dragnlings, along with Dragn of course, to the London Bridge over Christmas.......figured it would be a suitable place to spend the Holiday.

My Posting may be sporadic, although....hey, I'm ADD remember, it may be profuse....we'll simply see. I need a vacation srsly. And with Cubs and Dragnlings.....and of course Dragn her own self.......well, it should be down right wonderful.

Wish me luck, I'll fill you in after a bit. Didi I tell you about my Dad, the Sar'Major, giving Dragn an accordion? What? Yup, that's what I said too......don't be concerned, it'll make sense next time I write......promise......and it's fnny as heck.

Merry Christmas again,
Wollf

Lauren Rose is Wonderful Fun.......

And, because, for all you Christians out there......tonight is the beginning of Hanukkah, and I have the backs f our Jewish Brothers and Sisters......remember, we're a Judeo-Christian country......and also because Ms. Rose is way way way talented and.......well......uh.........Hawt.

Dontcha agree?

Come one, even you Ladies agree......I'm not being a lecher here......
Happy Hanukkah....Merry Christmas. We're all in this together, dontcha know........

Wollf

Friday, December 19, 2008

You Knew I couldn't resist This.......

Shepherd controls flock with wolf poster

A picture of a shepherd controlling his flock with a poster of a wolf has become an online hit in China.

Du Hebing, of Xi'an, told Huashang Daily that he shot the picture by chance.

"After visiting Qinling Wild Animal Park, on the way home I saw a group of sheep walking along the road with a man holding a picture following behind them," he said.

Du said he burst out laughing when he realised it was a picture of a wolf.

"The man was using the wolf picture to scare the sheep and drive them ahead - it was a really funny scene," he said.

"Maybe he was just trying to save some money by not buying a sheepdog - but he is obviously a talented shepherd."

And a very good likeness of your Humble Scribe, I might add.....

The Twelve Days of Christmas.....

The Real story.... I mean Really! What you gonna do with Twelve Lord a'leaping?

*Now the Maids a'milking?.....hmmmmm*


Runs and hides.
Wollf

Thursday, December 18, 2008

It just isn't Christmas......

Without our old friend Achmed the Dead Terrorist singing "Jingle Bombs"....Lil' Wolfies very favorite Christmas Carol......

Got a feeling they won't be singing it at Services on Christmas Eve.....oh well, you can't have everything.

Wollf

When I was a Kid.......

Hey....Warning, this comedy sketch about Christmas contains the "F" word, so if you're one of my Cubs......you've probably never heard that word before....so just skip this one.

Yeah, right.

Old school toys equals Darwinism at its best.


Wollf.....back to PG-13, although that may have been within the parameters....

Because You Asked for it.......

Ok.....I admit....Nobody asked for this, absolutely Nobody.

But after the Sheep doing Jingle Bells, aren't you even slightly curious to hear what it would sound like being performed by eighty some microvaves?

Come on People!! Get in the Spirit. Nothing says the Holidays like "DING!!"


UPDATE: Robin was right. The note was in my back pocket. I also found my screw driver.....Thanks.

Wollf

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Some things........

Are probably best left Unposted.....but what the heck, where the hell else you gonna be able to enjoy these little tidbits of insanity.

A Musical Interlude....one that somehow piques Ol Wollf's appetite. Nothing says Lunchtime at the Holidays like Sheep singing Jingle Bells......


*And not a Sheepdog in sight.........*
Wollf

Santa gots a new Tattoo........

And so can you....just hit the clicky thingie to see some Santa Belly....at
Christmas Tattoo ....

Ok, dumb, dumb, dumb.

The Brave, Brave Arab......

Ok, so this has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas.......well, except that I lourves to laugh at Arabs and snakes are cool, and......hmmm, I guess I was right the first time.

I watched it over and over.......

Yannow....G-d might get me for this, but it seems to me that I remember Monkeys faint at the sight of snakes too.....
Wollf

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Wrapping Presents at the Lair....

With Uber Dog and Ransom Kitteh.....H/T to everyone on the net that has written their version of this....

1. Gather presents, boxes, paper, scissors, tape, etc. in middle of living room floor.
2. Get tape back from Kitteh.
3. Remove scissors from Dog's mouth.
4. Open box.
5. Take Kitteh out of box.
6. Remove tape from Dog's mouth.
7. Take scissors away from Kitteh.
8. Put present in box.
9. Remove present from Kitteh's mouth.
10. Put back in box after removing Kitteh from box.
11. Take scissors from Dog and sit on them.
12. Remove Kitteh from box and put on lid.
13. Take tape away from Dog.
14. Unroll paper.
15. Take Kitteh OFF box.
16. Cut paper being careful not to cut Kitteh's foot or nose that is getting in the way as he "helps."
17. Let Kitteh and Dog tear remaining paper.
18. Take Kitteh off box.
19. Wrap paper around box.
20. Remove Kitteh from box & take wrapping paper from Dog's mouth.
21. Tell Dog to fetch the tape so he will stop stealing it.
22. Take scissors away from Kitteh.
23. Take tape Dog is holding....after chasing him down.
24. Quickly tape one spot before taking scissors from Dog & sitting on them again.
25. Fend off Kitteh trying to steal tape & tape another spot. Take bow from Dog.
27. Go get roll of wrapping paper Kitteh ran off with.
28. Take scissors from Dog who took them when you got up and ran down the stairs.
29. Give pen to Dog to hold so he stops licking your face.....then realise mistake and chase him down the stairs, retrieve pen.......
30. Remove Kitteh from present & hurriedly slap tape on to hold the paper on.
31. Take now soggy bow from Dog & tape on since the sticky stuff no longer sticks.
32. Take pen from Dog who stole it again, address tag & affix while Kitteh tries to eat pen.
33. Grab present before Kitteh opens it & put it away.
34. Clean up mess Kitteh and Dog made playing tug-of-war with remnants of wrapping paper.
35. Put away rest of wrapping supplies & tell Kitteh and Dog what good helpers they are.

Put present away so Kitteh and Dog don't get it....promptly forget where I hid it........Open Beer.

Drink.
Repeat.

Wish Dragn was here

*note to self....buy more gift bags....write down where I hide things.....don't lose note telling me where I hide things......*
Dammit, where'd I put that note?
Wollf

PS: Rose.....I already checked in the refridgerator behind the milk.
Sheesh

Perry Como, anyone?



Little music for the Season
Wollf

Some Christmas News.......


LONDON, Dec. 14 (UPI) --
Workers in London paid to offer poor Christmas present wrapping services through CrapWrap say customers will get exactly what they expect.

Wrapper Kevin Smith said those who decide to pay for the $5.90 holiday service from Firebox.com will receive a gift wrapped with little or no skill so any individual can claim to have wrapped it themselves, The Mail on Sunday reported.

"I am rubbish," Smith said of his gift-wrapping skills. "We're not given any instructions. I'm just asked to make a hash of it, using lots of brown tape and making sure there are rips and untidy folds."

Firebox spokeswoman Claire Wood said by offering the service, husbands and boyfriends worldwide can make it appear they took the time to personally, albeit poorly, wrap gifts for their loved ones.

"Nearly as many people are asking for CrapWrap as for our normal gift-wrap," Wood told the Mail. "Women like to think that their husbands and boyfriends took the trouble to wrap the present themselves, even if they made an appalling hash of it."

*Personally, Ol Wollf has discovered the joy of Christmas Bags....yup, "I am rubbish" at wrapping also.......*
Heh......

Oh, but coming up? How to wrap with Uber and Ransom in the room......
Wollf

Monday, December 15, 2008

Don't Mess with Santa........

Espescially if he happens to be out collecting in front of a Karate School........

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Ho, Ho, Ho
Wollf

Maybe a bit Too much time on their hands.....

But, damm....it's impressive.

I didn't do nearly as much at the Lair this year....just enough to have more than anybody else on the street, and of course to keep Lil'Wolfie satisfied.

Oh, by the way, it's raining like heck down here this morning......
Brrrrr.
Wollf

Friday, December 12, 2008

A Christmas Gift for all of You.........

The all new 100% Green way to clean your computer monitor. Ok, maybe it's Orange, but you get the point.....

Ransom of Red Chief, the windows washer.......


Hey, I thought it was time for a bit of "cute"....and this is it.
Holly Jolly!!
Wollf

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Barack and his Innertubes Address.....

Simply, the way it should be.......

Made more sense, didn't it?
Wollf

Bailey the Unknown Reindeer......

With music by Harry Connick Jr.........

Sure looked more like a Dawg to me....didn't see any antlers, not once.

Not so much funny, as just plain fun.
Wollf

MKV....the next step in warfare?

Hory Double Bad smelly Clap!!!!!
Lockheed Martin and Raytheon are both working on Multiple Kill Vehicles.....unmanned, Robotic Machine Guns that hover in the air and shoot the Living Shi-ite out of their targets. Meant, at least for now, to be shot into space to assist in shooting down enemy missiles at their highest point.

This is a video of the LM unit tested at Edwards Air Force Base on December 2, 2008.
You are not going to believe it......


I would not want to be on the receiving end of this Terminator nightmare....Nope, no way....No Sirree.

Now, why, you ask, is Wollf posting this Militaria when he's promised fun Christmassy stuff? Simple.......

I WANT ONE.....PLEASE?????
Heh,
Wollf

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Something just for Dragn......


Oh.....don't freak out on me, not gonna be all mushy and adult like....I am Wollf, after all.....She happens to be a Music Director....and one of her Sons happens to play the Trombone.

Trombones are not for sissies. This Boy has got to be forewarned of the inherent danger of off the cuff Trombone Improvisation.......Besides, I lourves the 1812 Overture......In the News..........with a bit of license.

MONTEVIDEO, URUGUAY - Paolo Esperanza, bass-trombonist with the Simphonica Mayor de Uruguay, in a misplaced moment of inspiration decided to make his own contribution to the cannon shots fired as part of the orchestra's performance of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture at an outdoor children's concert. In complete seriousness he placed a large, ignited firecracker, which was equivalent in strength to a quarter stick of dynamite, into his aluminum straight mute and then stuck the mute into the bell of his quite new Yamaha in-line double-valve bass trombone.

Later, from his hospital bed he explained to a reporter through bandages on his mouth, "I thought that the bell of my trombone would shield me from the explosion and instead, would focus the energy of the blast outwards and away from me, propelling the mute high above the orchestra, like a rocket."

However, Paolo was not up on his propulsion physics nor qualified to use high-powered artillery and in his haste to get the horn up before the firecracker went off, he failed to raise the bell of the horn high enough so as to give the mute enough arc to clear the orchestra.

What actually happened should serve as a lesson to us all during those delirious moments of divine inspiration.

First, because he failed to sufficiently elevate the bell of his horn, the blast propelled the mute between rows of players in the woodwind and viola sections of the orchestra, missing the players and straight into the stomach of the conductor,..... driving him off the podium and directly into the front row of the audience.

Fortunately, the audience were sitting in folding chairs and thus they were protected from serious injury, for the chairs collapsed under them passing the energy of the impact of the flying conductor backwards into the row of people sitting behind them, who in turn were driven back into the people in the row behind and so on, like a row of dominos. (Physics, Folks...like ol' Paolo didn't study....)

The sound of collapsing wooden chairs and grunts of people falling on their behinds increased logarithmically, adding to the overall sound of brass cannons and brass playing as constitutes the amazing closing measures of the Overture.

Meanwhile, all of this unplanned choreography not withstanding, back on stage Paolo's Waterloo was still unfolding.

According to Paolo, "Just as the I heard the sound of the blast, time seemed to stand still. Everything moved in slow motion. Just before I felt searing pain to my mouth, I could swear I heard a voice with a Austrian accent say "Fur every akshon zer iz un eekvul un opposeet reakshon!"

Well, this should come as no surprise, for Paolo had set himself up for a textbook demonstration of this fundamental law of physics. Having failed to plug the lead pipe of his trombone, he allowed the energy of the blast to send a super heated jet of gas backwards through the mouth pipe of the trombone, which exited the mouthpiece burning his lips and face.

The pyrotechnic ballet wasn't over yet.

The force of the blast was so great it split the bell of his shiny Yamaha right down the middle, turning it inside out while at the same time propelling Paolo backwards off the riser.

And for the grand finale, as Paolo fell backwards he lost his grip on the slide of the trombone allowing the pressure of the hot gases coursing through the horn to propel the trombone's slide like a double golden spear into the head of the 3rd clarinetist, knocking him unconscious.(Note.....I played 3rd clarinet for a bit in High School....good thing Sports and Chicks beckoned, or there but for the Grace of G-d...coulda been Wollfs noggin..)

The moral of the story? Beware the next time you hear someone in the trombone section yell out "Hey, everyone, watch this!"

H/T Wren


You hear that Jake?

Extra Special Trombone joke: What's the difference between a bass trombone and a chain saw?
1) Vibrato, though you can minimize this difference by holding the chain saw very still.
2) It's easier to improvise on a chainsaw.
Wollf

Just goes to show..........

It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, 'Hey, mamacita, let's do Weeweechu.'

¡Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!' said Rosita.

¡Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time,' Pedro begged.

'But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon.' replied Rosita.

¡Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me.'

Rosita looked at Pedro and said, 'OK, one time, we'll do Weeweechu.'

Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....

'Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.'

And see? I even got the punctuation correct.
I weechu a Merry Christmas too....
Wollf

A Few Christmas Quotes........

I once bought my kids batteries for Christmas with a note saying, toys not included. -Bernard Manning

I was so poor growing up, if I hadn’t been a boy I’d have had nothing to play with on Christmas Day. -Rodney Dangerfield

If God had meant Christmas to be a family occasion He wouldn’t have invented TV, would He? -Rory McGrath

A dog is for life, not just for Christmas. So be careful at the office Christmas party. -Jimmy Carr

I saw a guy driving down Hollywood Boulevard with a tree on his bumper and I said: ‘Getting ready for Christmas?’ He said: ‘No, teaching the wife how to drive.’ -Bob Hope

At the office party you’re supposed to sit naked on top of the photocopier, not the shredder. -David Letterman

Roses are reddish, violets are bluish, if it wasn’t for Christmas, we’d all be Jewish. -Benny Hill

Remember that Letterman one Guys, otherwise the Dangerfield quote won't matter......
Wollf

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Stay out of the Dog House.......

I saw this at Dennis the Peasant, enjoyed it, stole it, and posted it. By the by....if you enjoy a Snark of Great Talent......go read him. Funny Man with a point to make.

Wondering what you should get for your Lady for Christmas, Fellahs? Here's what Not to Get, and why.........


The thighmaster? I've known Idjits like that guy....lucky he didn't have it permanently embedded in his.........well, you know....PG13
Wollf

Merry Christmas is coming.........

Saw this poor little fellow out behind the Lair on a walk......I figure that at this time of the year he really feels lonely, so I picked him up and I think I'll decorate him.......

Heck, I started decorating the Dog....he doesn't seem to mind......

But the Kitteh?

I think maybe I'll bar my door tonight.....he's got this thing about his Dignity as a Feline.....

Oooh, Oooh!.....forgot to make the announcement. Ransom the Kitteh is Completely Housebroken....as in Completely. He now exclusively uses the Human toilet facility.

No more Kitteh Litter, No more Box.....best? No more Ickey Kitteh smell......Even Dragn is suitably impressed with how the training turned out...If there's any interest, I'll someday tell you how to do it....

*Sorry KT, doesn't work so well with older Matriarchs.......*
Wollf

Monday, December 8, 2008

From "Holiday Inn".......

After the Cubs left last evening, Dragn and I snuggled up and watched "White Christmas" with Bing and Danny Kaye.....Don't cheat yourself this Season, go ahead and watch it yourself.....

Here, I'll get you in the mood. Different movie, but in my humble opinion, the best rendition he ever did......

There, now don't you want to decorate the tree?
Wollf

Christmas Songs by Psychology.......

It's all in the nuance......

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- I Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas if I can remember where it is......

4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and ...

6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me!

7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ...

And of course, ol' Wollfs Favorite........10. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy ... oooh look at the Kitteh!! ... can I have some pie?... why is France so far away?

Friday, December 5, 2008

It's the Christmas Season!!!!!

And it's time to start the Holiday Fun........

I have Bunches of goodies to share from all over. Let's start the Season with a little Muppet Joy, shall we?

Aloha Snackbar, Osama

H/T on the Aloha Snackbar to MCPO Airdale.....cracks me up
Merry Christmas!
Wollf

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Christmas shelved.......for Rid al-Adha?

From Reuters.....and this really ticked me off....poor, poor England.

British parents looking to see their children in a traditional Christmas play are fuming after a school decided to cancel the performance because it conflicts with the Muslim festival of Eid al-Adha, the U.K.’s Telegraph newspaper reported.

Officials at the Greenwood Junior School in Nottingham decided to postpone the annual holiday performance because it would have been too difficult to have both the Christmas and Eid celebrations together, The Telegraph reported.

"It is the first year my son has been there and a lot of the mums like me were really looking forward to seeing the children in the nativity," one mother told the paper.

A letter sent by school officials and obtained by the paper apologized for "any misunderstanding" but said it had to respect "the cultures and religions of all the children.”

“The Christmas performance has not been canceled outright but has been postponed until the New Year," the letter read.

But parents told The Telegraph that they were originally told the performance was canceled because Muslim children wanted to celebrate Eid with their families, making it difficult to schedule a date for the performance.

Maybe the French Foreign Legion is a good idea after all.........

Another good thing about The Fwench........


There's always a way out of your worldly problems....*guys only, sorry*.....

Lost your job? Wife and kids leave you, alimony and child support killing you? Just too damm worried about our politikal scene? You'll never make ends meet, it seems all the adventures are in the past......

There is a way, of course – one tried and tested over 180 years. And it’s dead romantic, too. The Legion Etrangere, zee French Foreign Legion.

As every fan of Beau Geste, March or Die and Carry On Follow That Camel knows, the Legion is an elite fighting force, drawing its men (no women allowed) from all corners of the world and touched by glamour.

Formed in 1831 by Louis Philippe to enforce French rule in newly-acquired Algeria, it developed into a collective exercise in convenient amnesia, acquiring a reputation as a haven for cut-throats, crooks and sundry fugitives from justice. Few questions were asked of new recruits, making it an ideal repository for the scum of the earth. And with the scum came the romantics, men searching for a way to dull the pain of doomed love.......now that's not me by any means, I'm in a seemingly unending upward spiral....

Well, that was how Hollywood portrayed it.

*Cue matinee idol being asked why he has subjected himself to a life of brutal discipline, sand and sunburn. "To forget," says he, drawing on his Gitane and staring longingly into the distance amid a haze of blue smoke.

Reality is a bit different. France’s colonial empire may have disappeared, save for the odd outpost, but the Legion lives on. Almost 7,700-strong, it still operates around the world and gets into regular scrapes in Africa.

While Frenchman make up most of the officer corps, enlisted men are predominantly drawn from outside France. The Legion’s image as a haven for ne’er-do-wells is largely out of date. Now, aspiring recruits are subjected to detailed background checks via Interpol.

But there is still a hint of romance: all recruits must assume a new name on joining the Legion. This is because some recruits do indeed want a new start and new identity, and it is fairer to make all new Legionnaires undergo the same process. Soldiers can revert to their real identities after a year.

So, what does the Legion give the lucky entrant? A hard time, mainly.
Before being awarded the kepis blanc, the famed white cap of the Legion, recruits must endure a severe training regime which can involve punching and kicking. All recruits have to speak in French – even if they can’t. Even swearing must be in French, and there is a lot of that.

New recruits get about £1,000 a month and a shiny new rifle, which they are supposed never to leave on the battlefield.

One practice popular in the main French army at certain times – surrendering – is not encouraged in the Legion, members of which are routinely expected to fight to the death.

The good news is the wine. The Legion has its own vineyards in Provence which provide the main ingredient for regimental get-togethers.

After three years service, a legionnaire may apply for French citizenship. There is a quicker, more painful way way: a soldier wounded in battle may apply for citizenship under a provision known as "Français par le sang versé" ("French by spilled blood").

Some 140 nationalities are represented in the Legion, the motto of which is Legio Patria Nostra (The Legion is our Homeland). Composition changes with time, recruitment tending to thrive in countries experiencing economic and social stress. Traditionally, Germany has been a big provider of legionnaires – somewhat ironically given the Legion’s bloody roll in two world wars.

Currently, eastern Europe is a fertile recruiting ground, together with Latin America. Brits, too, have played their part, but there was embarrassment recently when it emerged that many British applicants were failing selection due to endemic unfitness. *Friggin' tubbies, is what I hear*

If some NCOs in the Legion are to be believed, the whole corps is becoming a bit soft and girly. Improved conditions and greater professionalism have in recent years resulted in more middle-class recruits.

But hey.....although no one would call Wollf "soft and girly*....except his little baby bro whom he lourves.....in the Field they look a bit more like this......


And they don't care if you're fifty five...they just want you to fight, since most of their Countrymen don't know how.......

All right.....it was just one of the myriad ADD thoughts that ran around in my head last night whilst meditating......no real chance that I'd really consider, just doing a little daydreaming is all.....too old to be mucking about in the Bush anymore.....

Hmmmmmm....but rumor has it that Blackwater just signed a $4 million dollar deal to supply security for the Somali shipping lanes........

One bow and one stern on a Cruise Liner....scanning the Sea for Idjits in rubber boats and armed with AK47s?............Gotta make that Business Card....



Oh well......Dragn probably wouldn't go for it.....'sides, I s'pose I'd miss Her and the Cubs...
Dammit.
Wollf

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Marching Band Season is Over.......

And Wollf the Younger.....formerly Bigger Wolfie....gets his weekends and Friday nights back. It's an unbelievable amount of work that the Marching Band kids do during the football season......Srsly.

Me, I played the sports....couple hours after school....and during once making Varsity, a game or a match or a meet once a week, and that was it.....off to the Papago Reservation....now changed to a more venerable sounding Tohono O'Odham....and a few illegal adult oriented libations and girl chasing......

The Band kids are always practicing......til 2100 hrs two nights a week and competitions on Saturdays all day.....I'm glad to have the Cub back. Here he is, in all his Drummer splendor......

UPDATE!!!.....He's the one on the left.....I think. Thanks, DW



So what now for him? Why, Concert Band and Winter Drumline and then Spring Marching Band....it never ends......and every one of them costs mucho dinero.....

*Note to self.......Lil' Wolfie joins football this spring....yeah, that's the ticket.....*

Wollf

And then I get to thinking........

After I ranted yesterday, I went out for a bit and meditated.....that is almost always when the magic happens, when I just calm my mind....and this showed up.....

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING
THROUGH THE DESERT .
DURING A POINT IN THE
JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN
ARGUMENT.

ONE FRIEND
SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE
IN THE FACE IN ANGER......

THE ONE WHO WASN'T SLAPPED
WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT
SAYING ANYTHING........

HE WROTE IN THE SAND ,
"TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE".

THEY KEPT ON WALKING,
UNTIL THEY CAME UPON AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED
TO TAKE A BATH .

THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN
SLAPPED BECAME STUCK IN THE
MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING,
BUT HIS FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM
THE NEAR DROWNING,
HE WROTE ON A STONE,

"TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SAVED MY LIFE"

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED
AND THEN SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND
ASKED HIM, "AFTER I HURT YOU,
YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW,
YOU WRITE ON A STONE..... WHY?"

"WHEN A FRIEND HURTS ME,
I WRITE IT DOWN
IN SAND, WHERE THE WINDS OF
FORGIVENESS WILL EVENTUALLY ERASE IT AWAY.....

BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES
SOMETHING GOOD FOR ME,
I ENGRAVE IT IN STONE
WHERE NO WIND
CAN EVER ERASE IT"

LEARN TO WRITE
YOUR HURTS IN
THE SAND AND TO
CARVE YOUR
BENEFITS IN STONE........

*end philosophy*
Have a wondrous day....it's the Season, after all......
Wollf

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Harry Reid what a POS


Speaking of Goats and Socialists.....

Un-friggin'-believable the stuff that comes out of this whiney little weasels mouth. He "smells" the tourists?

You mean those Citizens of these United States that take it as their duty to tour the Capitol grounds? You "smell" them Harry?

The stench is You, you elitist "more equal than the others" a$$hat.

*No weasels were really meant to be ridiculed in this rant*
Wollf

*Really....the Peasants are revolting? No, says Harry....they just smell bad*

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Heading back......

Kalifornia here we come.........lots of fairly interesting things to write, including Gun "rules" as opposed to "Laws" in the great State of 'Zona.....my baby bro's politikal leanings, the Sar'Major and Momma, accordions, Mumbai madness and beautiful skies......

But later....havta hit the road. be safe........
Wollf

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Thanksgiving Zen,.........

The next post down is a little.....you know, the "sensitive" side of ol' Wollf.

Thought I'd give you a present to listen to while or if you read it......Because there have been a Lot of Fokes who have been there to Stand by Me.....

These are musicians all over the world, performing one of my fave songs and then masterfully put together on one track....enjoy.


Happy Thanksgiving
Wollf

Hey Dragn........

......I can't seem to find that friggin' Turkey anywhere........


I know, I know.....I lose stuff all the time.

Happy early Thanksgiving!! We're road tripping again to Tucson, see the Baby Bro and the folks for a sit down dinner. Should be a great time....except for the drive of course, we'll cut out of here this afternoon and stay at the Condo in Palm Springs overnite.....cuts the trip down to a manageable distance.....

So, what are you thankful for?

I've got a whole friggin' list this year, including, of all things.....the divorce. Last year at this time, from re-reading, ol' Wollf was still a bit of a mess....but now? Not even a little....had to re-evaluate some finances, tuck in the belt for a bit, but come January....those hurdles will be over and I'll be contemplating new investments.....

So, my list:

Life.
Freedom.
Cubs......and Grand-cubs.....heh
Dragn.
Friends....both old and new.....both "met" and "Internet"
Prosperity....which I work hard at.

Oh...and before I get a "forearm shiver", (should never have taught Dragn that one).......

Uber *dog*, Ransom *cat*, Bob *fish* and Habibbi *bird*........

The Folkes I've met....sorta.....and the Ones that I've met in the Real World, are treasures to me, the anger, laughter, love and caring is a touching thing, whether I "know" you simply by your comments here or at other "homes", or whether they are Regular readers.....

Whether we've exchanged e-mails, or phone calls, or made the effort to see each other......you are all Treasures to me.

SondraK, Stepps, Cuchieddie, DougM, MiT, Ponderergirl, Paints with Words, Walks with Wolves, Rose, Kt Cat, Leonidas, Fran, Denny, Geezer, Claire, TUA, Rodger...the Real King of France, Robin, Jill, Frank J and Harvey, V Rowe, Dennis in the wasteland of Ohio, MCPO Airdale, Lawman, Jim the Newspaperman, Foxfier, Mike the Marine, the Armorer, Dammit Woman and Linda.....there are bunches more, forgive the ADD forgetfulness.....

Thank you Folkes for making my Life a better place to be....you've all in some way contributed to where I am today, some of you in amazing fashion, which is a pretty damm good place to be.

Oh, and most of all? I am thankful.........ah, you know. Dontcha?
That is all.

*Thanksgiving message complete*
Begin stuffing your Turkeys.......if you can find the damm thing......?
Wollf

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

To a Frenchman.....

Thanks to you.....for writing this, your perspective on your interaction with American Troops in the Afghan........

"Heavily built, fed at the earliest age with Gatorade, proteins and creatine - they are all heads and shoulders taller than us and their muscles remind us of Rambo. Our frames are amusingly skinny to them - we are wimps, even the strongest of us - and because of that they often mistake us for Afghans."

Read the rest at Serendipitous Altruism

His, the French Infantryman's comment to the Blogger......"thanks for having translate my article. thanks to my partnership U.S unit for all. American people must be proud to get this kind of boys."

I guess this one guy deserves an "I'm sorry" for the Freedom Fries comments....oh well.

And a real H/T to Denny for posting the link first.

And then the thought for the day.....those silly people that think they're something that they aren't.......like this fellow...


If somebody thinks they're a hedgehog, presumably you just give 'em a mirror and a few pictures of hedgehogs and tell them to sort it out for themselves.

Have a good day.
Wollf

Monday, November 24, 2008

Just cleaning out my Computer.....

.....at lunch.......

And this is kinda how I feel.......

Sometimes Mondays are like that.

Hey, I can't be funny all the time, besides....

What are You looking at, huh?

Later,
Wollf

Here I go again........

Edumahkating you Fellows.....It's my Duty in Life to pass on the Knowledge that I have obtained in this Path of mine.

Today, you learn the Ins and Outs of proper Spooning. You know what that is, it's when your Loving Woman is quite up to ....uh, ....well....that "other" thing.

See more funny videos at Funny or Die


See? Wasn't that difficult, was it?
Relationship Therapy, that's what I do here.......heh
Wollf

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Something Different.......

As though that might be a surprise.......

Usually I don't write much on weekends.....well, at least lately....too many things to see through new eyes, Dragn eyes, Lil' Wolfie eyes, Wollf the Younger eyes....hell, my new eyes....

It's an adventure, I must say. My Life has changed dramatically since I started this silly little space last August......."Oh my"...would be the operative phrase.....

Anyway, Dragn.....the Lady in my Life....is out for the evening, doing gurl stuff..... a candle and jewelry party....and Lil' Wolfie and I opted out....Wollf is not much for those sorts of things, and besides, there are things to do.....fix the furnace, sort the tools....and most importantly, sort the thoughts in this addled ADD mind of mine.

I've been through a lot of hurt in my Life, a whole lot as I began this Blog....and I've worked it through......with a lot of help and support from you Folkes....and now, I've been truly blessed with Dragn.....and I started thinking.....*Danger...Wollf Thinking*....

And I went looking for a Fable that I remembered.....

Crap coming down on you in Your Life? What to do? Give up? Call FEMA? Whine and cry, and feel depressed......or do as the poor donkey in the well.....

One fine day a farmer's donkey fell into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

Finally, he decided the animal was old and not worth the expense of hiring a crane to save him, and the dry well needed to be covered anyway. And it was going to be too much work to try to retrieve the donkey.

So...he called upon all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to throw dirt into the well.

At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well.

He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that fell on top of the donkey, he would shake it off and take a step up onto the pile that was forming.

After a while, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off.

You see, life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt.

The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up!

Shake it off and take a step up.

There you go.....a bit of old wisdom that has done Wollf well, and will you as well.

Hell.....if I hadn't stepped up, and finally out of the emotional well that I was in sixteen months ago, I would never have been able to step out and see the Dragn...recognize Her as what She really is......The One for me.

Ok.....don't worry.....philosophy Wollf is done for a bit....remember, ya just never knoww where I'm going to be at any time I get started on this....

Thanks for humoring this ol' Wollf.
Enjoy your Sunday....get ready for Thanksgiving....I'm heading back To Tucson for the Holiday.....can you say Road Trip?

Wollf

Friday, November 21, 2008

Something Else to Worry about......

From Denny at Grouchy Old Cripple in Atlanta

I promised DW a little thing about Spiders, and while out visiting my Blog Friends, found this....a little creepy, but Educating the Masses is my prime directive, dontcha know.....

THE BLACK WIDOW SPIDER

This spider, one of only a few poisonous spiders in the USA, can be found all over the United States and North America....

The spider releases a neurotoxin into the victim that, if not treated, can cause death! The bites are Extremely painful...ol' Wollf has been bitten a few times, and never was it way up there on my "want to do again" list.....


The Black widow mates with the male then sucks the very life out of him after mating!

She's very easy to identify...


The female has a very wide backside, is black, and has a Distinctive Red Hour Glass shaped marking on her belly....

You can find this spider in:
*
*
Closets....
*
*
Wood piles.....
*
*
Under beds.....
*
*
Outhouses.....
*
*
And soon......
*
*
THE WHITE HOUSE!!!!!!



Sorry Michelle. You ain't no Jackie Kennedy.

What's with the bow legs?
Wollf

A Song for us Baby Boomers........

It's Friday, I'm up early, and headed off to work, about a 30 minute drive, and realised that I have no friggin' idea where I left my reading glasses.

Sound familiar? Then enjoy, and start your day off with a smile. I know it helped me......warning though....put down your drink until you're done.

I already owe this cranky old Cop in Georgia a new keyboard, and I can't afford to get everybody a new one.....



What was I going to write about? Oh well.....it'll come to me.
Have a great Friday.
Wollf

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Reporting For Duty......Sir!!

UPDATED
And major congrats to my She-Cub Annie and her Huggiehubby.....I couldn't help myself with a little "shopping" on the original photo.

Rumor has it that when the Doctor smacked his little tookas, instead of the usual "Waaaah", he bellowed "Oooh Rah!" and smacked him back.

Love you, Annie.......


Wollf was blessed yesterday afternoon with his first Grand Cub of the Male variety. One Alexander Craig, healthy, all four paws and proper dew-claws, Momma is doing well.

I'm thinking the Marine Corps tradition "might" continue.....not saying that his first Puppy picture is an "omen" or anything, but Ooh Rah, little baby, Carry on.

And sose you don't think I'm a "complete" ditz, a picture of 'Xander and his big Sister Kylie....Cutie she is....

More as News develops....

Grampa Wollf.......I'm not old enough for this....
Sheesh

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

A Horses Tail....or Tale.......


The U.S. standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. Sort of an odd number, but there’s a reason for it.

That’s the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the first U.S. railroads.

But why like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad roads, and that’s the gauge they used. But why did they use that gauge then?

Because the people who built the first roads used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

But why that particular wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old long-distance roads in England, because that’s the spacing of the wheel ruts.

So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long-distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads?
Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their own wagon wheels.

Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.

Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot.

Bureaucracies live forever.

So the next time you are handed a Specification/Procedure/Process pamphlet and wonder “What horse’s ass came up with this?”, you may be exactly right.

Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses (actually, two horses’ asses). T*There's one in every crowd*


Now, then, another twist to the story.

When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid fuel rocket boosters (or, SRBs). The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah.

The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site.

The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad truck, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses’ behinds.

So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world’s most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a couple of horses’ asses.

And you thought being a horse’s ass wasn’t important? Ancient horses’ asses control almost everything…..............


........and current horse’s asses are controlling everything else.

You are now educated......aren't you happy?
Wollf....gotten from an e-mail, somewhere.....

Monday, November 17, 2008

Oh, and Lest We Forget........

Soldiers Angels and Project Valor IT.....get laptops into the hands of wounded Soldiers.

I joined the Marine team.....wonder why?
Clicky clicky to donate, it's a great cause.


What are you waiting for?
Wollf

Sunday, November 16, 2008

What a Great Evening......



Hell, it was a great day, and a damm good weekend, actually....Had Lil'Wolfie til 'bout 2100hrs yesterday, took Dragn shopping in the Lowlands of Camarillo this morning, back to the Lair, a short nap, and off to the dog park with Uber.....

Seven months old, that pup.....ran himself ragged, sniffing and snarling and learning that he is simply not the big dog.....as opposed to back home...good for him, we call it socialization...

Speaking of which, the highlight of the weekend just ended. Hunger struck and we zipped up to the local haunt for some rib eye...Delicious, as you might guess.....

As luck would have it, just across from our booth sat a couple fellows, long braided ponytails and Biker gear, sipping beer and having conversation. Middle aged, grizzled and tough looking, they were intent upon explaining the benefits of Conservatism to a twenty something Obama minion......

The conversation was more than a little entertaining......the "words" were standard fare, Conservatism, Reaganomics as opposed to "trickle up" Obama-econ, the righteousness of the War in Iraq, welfare versus working for what you get, big Government.........but the Juxtaposition of the debaters....Really rough tough Hells Angels/ Mongols types......

Keeping their cool, while the young Libtard raised his voice to a wail, using his standard "words".....Bush Hitler, Baby killing....we have to LOVE and UNDERSTAND our enemies...embrace them and they will LOVE us too......

Biggest Biker finally had enough and said, "Boy, you are an Infidel. They will lie to you, rape your women and Kill you....because it's Ok in their religion.....GO AWAY."

He did.....hell, maybe I would have....rough and tumble dudes, and me with my delicate flower beside me.......Unfortunately.....or as it turned out, quite fortuitously, the fellows heard us laughing as the Peace Boy went packing. Big fellow got a gigantic grin, said something like, "You Conservatives?"

We responded in the affirmative, they jumped over to our booth, and beers and laughter continued. Good guys both of them, we had intelligent and amusing words to share, they were complete gentlemen, except for the part where the "Mongol" looking Dude offered to snap a cap in the Hippie....and all was well with the world.

The crowning moment, like a well written movie, building to the climactic scene, was when Big Fellow excused himself to the Men's room.

Moonbeam Boy came back in, a bit higher than before and plunked down in our booth to continue his raving. Dragn, without missing a beat, skootched over to him and said, "Not a good idea to sit here...."

He looked at her and laughed, at which point he found himself sitting on the floor "next" to the booth, rather than in it. Dragn does a Mean Sitting Hip Check...must be all that hockey she played as a little gurl up in the frozen wasteland of her youth......

Heh, Moonbeam got up, went as if to sit back down and Dragn made this really cute, innocent smiley face and waved him off with one of those dismissive girlie finger waggles.....

He left for good, mumbling something about "...so that's the kind of Country you want....."

Well, yes, it is, Son, a Country where we are free to associate with Like Minded People, to be free of ranting and wailing if we so wish....Toodle-ooh, Son.

We actually guffawed.....and I had another one of my "apostrophes"....remember those? Like an epiphany, but not nearly as important......

My Delicate Flower isn't quite as delicate as I had imagined....a Lady through and through, but when circumstances call.........

Watch out for the Hip Check into the glass.....
Damm, I amuse myself.

Have a Great day...I've started mine with a smile.
Wollf

Friday, November 14, 2008

Ok....can we say.....No we can't.

The Preisdent Elects new wheels.....

No, the paint isn't finished yet, so he's not going 'hood on us. Actually quite the vehicle. I understand the side panels are eight inches thick.


Wonder if they'll put that kinda armor on our HumVees?

Nah, too expensive.
See, I didn't say it.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I love's chili........


I am sure-nuff an excellent chili chef......srsly, ask Dragn, my Cubs, Dammit Woman or any of my Staff at work......this story made me snort...hope you enjoy.....

Subject: BUFFALO GAP CHILI COOK-OFF

If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in Buffalo Gap, TX.

Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better.

For those of you who have lived in West Texas , you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Old Settlers Reunion Grounds. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield , IL .

Frank: 'Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a Chili
cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3.'

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 - EL RANCHO'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork ... Slight jala peno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 - ALFREDO'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse Chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT .. just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP RE MOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.

CHILI # 6 - VARGA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt
with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about judge number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report

H/T to DammitWoman and Madonna.....
Thanks for the giggle,
Wollf

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Please Remove the Fork........

Because I Am Done.....with worrying about our President Elect, and what his Policy really is......to P.O.G.s.....

Yup, POGs.....my very own made up acronym.....*it's a military thing, forgive me*...

Pissed Off Gays. There, I said it. Call me a Homophobe, intolerant, a Bible Thumping Sumbitch.....I don't care. Because....I am not.

I am simply, completely tired of crybaby, didn't get my way in the vote by the People, POGs.

You lost. *This Time*.....You want to lessen your chance of overturning Prop 8? Just keep up your disruption of Church Services, keep getting your faces, in full on Flaming Regalia, out on the nightly news and the Internet.....knocking over Little Old Ladies.....freaking People out.

Pay attention here, I'm srsly trying to help.....

Prop 8 was my most difficult choice in this election. I really am ....well, in My eyes, better than "Tolerant". You see.....I don't give a fat rats a$$ if you want to be "married". That's your problem....or "joy", or whatever you want to call it....

Bring the doom on yourselves...because...you don't want to be "married"...you want "RESPECT".

You are not getting it by your actions. You made a "lifestyle" choice....not to be Gay....but to be GHE...as in CHE....the revolutionary....make sense? Normal People...and I mean Catholics, Protestants, Mormons, Straights....AND Gays....think that you are Maroons.......

I enjoy things in my Bedroom that you might or might not like. Guess what?

IT IS NONE OF YOUR FRIGGIN" BUSINESS!! It's not a "Lifestyle" to Normal People. It's a Physical Element of our Love for our Partner.....Why is it so hard for you to get that?

I am done with you. Because of your silly a$$, whiney, throw rocks mentality. You are just hurting yourselves.

How did I vote? None of your friggin' business again....but NEXT time? Because I'm tired of looking at your sorry selves making a mockery of People that I hold Dear?

Next time I'm voting AGAINST....Extremism.

Get a Life, Fools, and realize that Straight Midstream Folkes don't hate you because you're Gay......they distrust you because you're Ghe.....POGs......Extremists...

Do it the right way...you'll get more support.

Out,
Wollf

Monday, November 10, 2008

Happy Friggin' Birfday to the Corps......

It's November 10th, 233 years of Pride and Honor. There are no Ex-Marines...well except "Murtha".....

A message from the Commandant.

Poor Dragn......has no idea what she's agreed to attend tonite at Corrigans......

It's a Birfday....but not too much cake will be eaten.
Semper Fi.

Wollf

First a Rant.....

A real short one, nothing too deep, but By G-d Jeezers, what a$$hat clown signed my e-mail up with move-on.horg as a supporter....with "Thanks" for getting this guy elected?

I am getting junk like this in my mail every day.....and it ticks me off.....

Look, Folkes.....I get it. Obama is the President Elect. I will wish him and my Country nothing but the best. I "hope" that my current low view of his abilities will "change"......

But do not include me in your messianic love for the guy. The poster gives me the creeps....way, way to much like the old Stalin-Lenin artwork of the Proletariat.

So.....I added a little bit to the poster to make me feel better.

Because "WE" didn't. "THEY" did....and I hope that "WE" can all deal with the result and remain the pre-eminent power in the world.

*end rant*
*resume "happy-happy*

Wollf

Saturday, November 8, 2008

A Lazy Saturday Morning........

No Cubs til this evening, the weather has warmed considerably from just yesterday, took Dragn down to Camarillo for breakfast at a wonderful little cafe that's been on the main drag since the early forties....

Now back at the Lair, She reading, Uber asleep at my feet.....Lazy, lazy, lazy.

Tomorrow will be fun. A Huge Civil War reenactment just down the road in Moorpark, they're expecting close to 4000 troops to engage. I took some pretty good shots last year....in fact one of them was used in the publicity flyer for this years event.

So, the Cubs love it every year, Dragns never seen anything like this sort of production....we'll have a grand time.

Oh, did I tell you we got a Bird? A little blue parakeet named Habibi. We liked him. Ransom the Kitteh? He LOVED him.....feathers and all.

That experiment didn't work out too awfully well...oh, and the fridge? Still without, waiting on a replacement coil on Monday....living on restaurants and stuff we can keep in a cooler on ice....such is life and the adventure of living with Wollf.

Ok...boring stuff, I know, but I thought I should catch up.

Maybe I'll write something insightful later....
Don't count on it.
Wollf

Thursday, November 6, 2008

An Inside View......

The following is an e-mail from a Chicago PD Lt. assigned to Grant Park......


Subject: Election night Celebration......


Well, we now have a new president. At the least this should put cries of affirmative action to rest as Obama has proven that as a black man in the USA he can achieve anything...if you want to and you work hard. I'll judge as the 4 years unfold. First, I'll know the atmosphere of his presidency by the decision he makes about U.S.A. Fitzgerald. That will set the tone.

In the meantime, here's what the media hasn't told you AND NEVER WILL about the joyous celebrations in Chicago:

1. Obama's rally was somewhat peaceful due to the fact that about 70% of the attendees both in the ticketed and unticketed areas were white.

2. In the unticketed area (where I was) black teens turned over several porta-potties with people in them. They also caved in the roof of one by jumping on it. That particular porta-potty was for handicapped access and had an elderly female with a walker in it.

3. Calm was exibited by the some 300,000 people because there was a strict search for booze and no booze was sold.

4. A CPD squad car came under sniper fire in the 900 blk of N. Ridgeway and was struck by several gunshots. 2 arrests. No cops hurt.

5. Citywide 14 CPD squad cars were damaged by thrown rocks, bricks, bottles. 6 officers injured.

6. Madison, Chicago, 16th St, 47th St., 63rd St, MLK, Cottage Grove and Howard St. were closed for several blocks in either direction to account for crowds. Several businesses citywide were broken into and looted (clothing & liquor stores were the primary targets).

7. Riot police used gas on the crowds in the following districts: 2,5,11,15.

8. Within the first 30 minutes following the announcement of a new president, the 7th District received 104 seperate calls of shots fired.

9. It took 2.5 hours following the closing of Grant Park to clear the Loop of rovings crowds and reopen traffic. Although no arrests were made in Grant Park, 19 arrests were made in the Loop (2 for UUW); these don't include those made on the train platforms or subways.

10. Snow plows were lined up on Monroe between LSD/Columbus; Roosevelt between State/Canal, to be used a mobile barricades to control unrult crowds. My platoon has 6 trucks for Butler Field where the majority of the crowd was.

11. Tact Lts assigned to the details were equipped with 100 flex cuffs; 2 plastic riot shields and 10 large canisters (fire extinguisher size) of pepper gas to deploy at their discretion.

12. At the debriefing, the bosses simply said "We got lucky."

That is all. Let me know if you read or see this anywhere.

The Lts words, by the way, not mine. Interesting slant on it from one of the real good guys.
Wollf

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

So Here's what Happened.......

I had to leave the confines of my Offices yesterday to run out and look at a few upcoming Projects......

As I was waiting to make a right turn and enter the Freeway, I noticed a group of McCain supporters off on the side of the road cheering and waving flags at the passersby. One fellow, driving at about 45 miles an hour obviously didn't agree with them.......

He blared his horn, took his hands off the wheel, and was giving them a sign of.....disrespect for their Candidate.....distracted as he was, he failed to negotiate the slight bend in the road right next to me.....

He did not, however fail to juxtapose his pretty Prius with the Light pole ten feet directly off my drivers' side door.....KA-WHUMP, and an immediate 45mph to 0mph, and exploded the front end of his pretty Prius across and through my truck, leaving a few new items of interest lodged in the side of my face and neck.....

Nothing serious, but the ol' adrenal system is still operating at peak efficiency.

In the words of my Little Baby Brother......"Messed Him Up....umhmmm" I gave aid as was needed, mostly just cradling the poor fellows head so as not to move it until the Pros arrived, and I was on my way......

Thanking G-d for solid, unyielding steel poles as set by our employees. Otherwise, I think the blogging would have been on hiatus for a bit.

Couple things I came away with.......

1) I will NEVER drive one of those little death machines....crumpled like an accordian, it did.

2) Life truly does change in just a few seconds.

3) Yelling and cursing at Folkes just because you disagree with them can be downright counter productive.....well, 'spescially when you're driving.

And you'll be proud.....I didn't even ask the a$$hat if he'd voted yet.
So there.

Wollf

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

In the Blink of an Eye......

Any Persons Life can be changed......or ended. I just got that reminder. Close, as in Way Too Friggin' Close call.

A Traffic light pole and five feet sepaarated ol' Wollf from a fifty mile an hour Tee-Bone.......More after the adrenaline subsides....it's difficult to type with my hands still trembling a bit if you catch my drift.....

Oh.....I'm Ok, just a bunch of glass stuck in my face...back when the adrenaline subsides, eh?

Oh yeah.....vote.
Wollf

It'll all be over soon......

Seems I've gotten myself a lot more worked up over this stupid election than usual.

Here you go. Vote. I did. You should.
There, can we start having some fun again? Hell, People....I have issues, and I need to start dealing with them again.

I am SO glad this thing is almost over.
G-d Bless America
Wollf

Monday, November 3, 2008

Well....didn't write over the weekend....

I mean just in case you noticed. I....or rather the Dragn and I were rather busy, you see......

We had gone to Tombstone, and a little sumpin-sumpin happened to the fridge. Seems the ice-maker pipe had slipped off in the freezer, the door was ever so slightly ajar, and the little drip drip that is supposed to make ice cubes in the container.....

Well, it decided to make Glacier National Park II in the freezer.......

Unbelievable ampunt of ice, all because of a little drip.....Took all day, hunched over like a liberal monkey.....we alternated this post, chipping and blow drying...gave us a chance to catch up on the Fall Cleaning, so, even though the fridge "seems" to still be lifeless....we got some chores knocked off....

Everybody pitched in, actually. I must give credit to Ransom for keeping his eye on the squirrels.....insidious little beasts, and he takes his job quite seriously.

Srsly.
Wollf

Friday, October 31, 2008

And again.......

Happy Halloween from the Lair.....