Friday, August 31, 2007

Lost the last post....

Dammit, that last posting isn't nearly complete. Not rewriting the mea culpa part now. Too late.

Finish tomorrow. Boyz asleep. Me soon.
I'm sorry to Her.

Goodnight Mrs.P, I Truly Love you.

Friday with Da Boyz

Well, gotta lot of shi-ite on my mind this evening. As the title says, and I don't want to miss out on the fun with the boyz, I'll probably write this in bursts. But, I gotta get this out of me. Not so much fun tonight. So, reader,beware.

Had a bit of an "apostrophe"......Hey don't make fun there college grads! It's one of my favorite terms, picked up on the movie "Hook". Not to be mistaken with "epihany", which to me is "Oh Wow!"....followed usually by a bolt of lightning, thunder clapping, maybe a Burning Bush.

Nope, it's more of an "oh, yeah, now I get it", type of experience.

I realized that this ADD thing is Not a curse. There are times and places where I'm beginning to wish it came with an On-Off switch. I've Always been Really good at Crisis situations. That kinda explains why I've lasted so long at my profession, and why, in my less than humble opinion, I'm so good at it.

Early mornings at work are generally quite hectic. By the time my "muggle" path kicks in, the "regular" part of the day begins. Lotsa men are dispatched to lotsa places, and it seems to always work out that they, and the proper contingent of cohorts end up at the proper place at the proper time with the proper support equipment. (Hell of a bunch of kudos to my staff for the equipment, and of course putting up with me.)

They were probably the first to glean this "condition" in me. Before Anyone in the know will ask me a serious question, my lead men make dam sure that I've ingested some coffee. Seems throwing some stimulant into my system is a way of minor self medication. It makes it quiet enough in my head that I can deal with all the ins and outs of people and their idiosyncrasies.

I've learned over the years that on weekends when the beautiful Mrs.P awakens at the same time as me, I quiet and rally not converse with her until I've gone "out" and gotten us some coffee. I always thought I was a nice guy to go get her fancy coffee. Truth is, I was unconsciously aware of my problem and was self medding to Protect Her from my often caustic mouth.

Poor, Darling woman. What a dick. No, I refer that term to the Michael Vicks of the world. I was Unaware.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

No Michael Vick tonite. Let go of your disgust, Wolfie, feel the joy.

Actually pretty easy tonite. Busy early evening with the cubs. Took lil' wolfie to soccer practice at 1730hrs, swung around picked up Big Max and got him to Drumline by 1800, went back to soccer and watched lil' dude do some pretty freakin' amazing saves. He's The goalie. First time playing, he's actually got a knack for it.

An aside so's you don't get the wrong idea about me......Soccer.......Is.....Not.....A


Never understood it, never liked it, maybe never will. BUT, I sure do enjoy seeing the boy fire himself around with abandon. Now, He's beginning to like it.

And what's with Beckham? A Gazillion dollars, and he doesn't play? Durned Euro sissification if you ask me. I know you didn't ask ! Meds haven't completely worn off yet, but I shall try a "minor" point.

Joe Namath. Huh? Man's man. Busted hips, fingers, knees........did he Play? Dam straight. Couple injections here, couple there....he's righter than rain. Comes through for the team.
That's the spirit Joe!

(well of course we might notice that he's kinda stiff and hunched over and can't hardly walk....all to "entertain us.....)

But he was a man's man. (don't EVEN bring up that pantyhose thing). Be well, Joe. We all enjoyed your talent and heart.

Gotta take wolfie back to Peppertree, (Another "comfortable nickname to avoid the "my haus, Her haus" thing) about 2030 and then get Big Max from his practice.
The Princess Anastasia had "planned" to come over, but some really important 17 year old stuff came up.......heh.

Anyway, once again I'm so thankful to the Doc for this place Ive finally found.

Plan........Execute. Sweet. And being so bizzy and seein' the cubs makes me happy. Seein' the beautiful Mrs. P wasn't quite so traumatic tonite either. All in all, a Good day. And not too Lonely.

Gotta go play with lil wolfie. He's got an entire war campaign set up on the floor and it kinda looks like fun.

Be Kind to someone. Let someone else have the last word.

Oh, and Eff Senator Craig. Friggin hypocrite. And get straight with your wife. heh, an unintentional pun.

Goodnite, Mrs. P........feel good.
Tomorrow, a picture of the pack.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Saw the beautiful Mrs. P..........

So, how did that go, you didn't ask but I'll tell you anyway.

My friggin' heart about burst out of my chest, that's how. Don't really think I can put it in words. It was my lil' Son's Decade b-day today. I picked him up from school to go out for some icecream and then over to Walkabout to mess around and open some gifts.......and she was there. We spoke, she asked me to fix her wifi if I could, requested da boy home by 1830 hours cuz he was tired, and drove off.

Oh how I yearn to just hold her in my arms and make her feel all better. Get a grip, Wolfie.

Adapt and Overcome. Heart and body of steel. (ok, it's rusting, but it's been left out in the weather and unattended to).

I told her today that she didn't have to trust how I would react as this new me, but that it would be nice if she would allow herself to "experience" this new me. I understand that it must be exceeding difficult for her, but cut a guy abreak!

Enough of this Bravo Sierra.....this needs to be a short post. By the way, please note that I fixed the quadruple spacing between snippets. Thank you very much.

The Fwench have let it be known that THEY are mulling plans for airstrikes against Ahma Dinnerjacket's Nuke facilities. Just talk at this point, but hey...."A coward is always a coward, Until he is courageous" Think of it, I Ran must be shaking in their burkas at the thought of an attack by the Fearsum Fwench!!!

Joking about the Froggies aside, God-dam Good for them. I'd salute their flag if not for the fact that I'm colorblind......just like a wolf, yes......And I couldn't tell you for the life of me which one's their flag. Lotsa tri colored cloth out there.

Richard Jewel, the Hero of Atlanta, died today at the tender age of 44. The man got royally screwed by a bunch of self serving, Knowitall Know nothings. Implication on a national scale completely destroyed Any chance of Redemption for the poor guy. Even after Janet "Waco" Reno apologized for calling him a "person of interest" it didn't help. Dude was a "loser" perhaps, but he was righteous and didn't deserve the pain he received.

Too bad we as humans don't take time to think of everyone that we meet as a person of interest in the Holy sense instead of just another schlub. Thoughts like this are a part of my quest. I wanna be the guy that reaches out a hand to someone that needs it.

Tragic life Richard. Hope you're in a better place......can't be worse than the place you left.

Howl at the Moon!!! Call someone you haven't talked to in a while. Share a kind word.
Shi ite, meds are wearing off. Really sorry I was a bit to serious tonite. Kinda tired, sleepy.........


Eff Ahma Dinnerjacket. Eff Harry Reid. Eff Kim Jung mentally Il. And of course, All together now,

Eff Michael Vick!!!

Now I feel a little better. What a friggin' day. At least I got my first "comment"; Thank you Lady Marel, where ever you are................

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Now, where was I? Oh yeah.....Eff Michael Vick. I mean I truly understand the difference between the sanctity of human life and that of an animals', Vick, but you torture and kill your dogs because they're not "viscious" enough for you? Not even remotely acceptable, you friggin' moron. I can just hope there's a lot of big, nasty Dog lovers in the penitentiary you go to.

Oops, my bad, you found Jesus! And in friggin' Record time. Let's see, plead guilty to a "horrid" crime, accept Jesus as your Saviour.....all is forgiven. Yup, that's the way I feel. Turn the other cheek, judge not lest I be judged, chalk it up to a bad childhood.

Nope, sorry Vick.

You're a dick.

Oh yeah, more about where I am in my quest. In fact, just what exactly is this "Quest"?

Well, to be quite blunt and to the point, the Beautiful Mrs. P and myself are on the "outs". I am on a Mrs. P enforced "walkabout". When all is said and done, as Painful as this has been, and as downright Angry and Hurt and even Scared as I've been..........I realize now that I owe her a greater debt of gratitude than I can ever repay.

She's forced me to look at, and finally "see" my Soul. And let me tell you folks, when you actually "see" your Soul is when you can finally begin your "Quest". Everybody has one. That's why we're here. Most of us avoid it and settle for a life of "settling". Settling for less than we and our Loved ones deserve. I understand her words, "you've got to do this for you". If I'm a better Man for me, by extension I'm a better Man for her.....and our children.

I'm far from the end of this Quest, just starting to get a fuzzy glimpse of what it really is, in fact quite probably, the Quest actually is the Goal.

Pretty esoteric there, huh? Not to worry, I'll be getting back to my nonsequitors "bout the time the meds wear off.

To continue.....I'm in an unbelievably better place right now for me. What have I done? First was to admit to myself that I had a problem, (spell that with an S on the end), and then tomake some Immediate changes in lifestyle so that my mind was clear enough to figure it out.

I started meditating,(kudos to a fellow named Roy Masters for that). I'll put up a link to his website when I figger out how. A dearer friend than I knew turned me on to the guy's tapes. Then I stopped drinking, didn't want or need any depressant in my system. I've been depressed. It ain't fun. I started, and continue counseling.

Everything was getting better. My moods stabilized. I wasn't as tired. I thought, "well This is as good as it gets". The Psych alluded to the fact that I "might" have A ADD. He told me to mention it to my Doc which I did.

Doc's opinion? "Why, of course you are. I've known that since your first time in my office!" (Thanks, Doc. Could we have diagnosed that 10 odd years ago?) I'm sure the beautiful Mrs. P would have wished that. Instead, after my Brother, 6 years ago, and my eldest Daughter, 3 1/2 years ago, died, I slipped into depression. My mind, already filled with wirring thoughts, was always filled with the "bad" stuff instead of what I'd obviously thought was the "Normal" six or seven things at once. It was driving me crazy. I drank. Not so's anyone really noticed, not even the beautiful Mrs. P. If I'd had the meds then, I think the fall wouldn't have been nearly as catastrophic.

Now, I'm in a routine, and finally doing what I was put here to do.....The Quest.

I get up in the morning...Early. I meditate a bit. I put on the "Muggle" patch and can concentrate and feel uplifted ALL day. I get to "Walkabout Haus",( I REFUSE to call it Home), I meditate a bit, take off the patch and write. Well, I used to write. Now I'm going to bore the Hell out of any poor Soul that runs across my Blog! Do any chores that need to be done, visit fully with my kids, go for a walk and then zzzz'z, Late.

This is Friggin' Great! Just when I thought I was as good as it gets, I found a whole new reality. A place where I could Own my thoughts. A place where I'm the Master of my thoughts, where Kindness and Fun live.

A place where I could finally see my Soul. Where I can accept myself, some of the horrible things I've done in my life, a place where I realize that the only One that I can truly Atone to is...Me.

I Yearn for Mrs. P. Yup, no doubt about that one. But, although I've accepted me......we'll have to see if she does. I can't control that. I CAN now control Me.

Well, enough of this for now. I've always wanted to start a "kinda" secret Blog to opine about the day's events, make fun of all the stuff out there and generally have a good time.

But I Have to get this stuff out "there" before I really can. Part of my Quest, don't you see.

So, finally, and if you read this whole thing, You're probably not ADD. Congratulations!!!
OH yeah,

Eff Michael Vick. And that goofball trying to get the Bomb, Ahma Dinnerjacket or somethin.
More on that dickweed and the "Amazing French" in a future fun filled Blog.

Monday, August 27, 2007

I'm doing What?

Well, here would be my first blog posting. 'Cuz I'm the FNG on this block, and because my "normalcy", what I'm starting to think of as when I'm in "Muggle" mode like most of you are all the time, I'll keep this one real short. If you're interested enough to be here and can deal with my particular slant, I hope you enjoy.

I'll try to mix in the occasional "salient" thought along with my take on all the odd things that run around in this head of mine when I go all "Wizard" late in the evenings after the meds have dissipated and I let my brain out for a little stroll.

Because I'm most astoundingly, (at least to me because I just found out) Adult ADD, I'll probably include some thoughts about adjusting to some really friggin profound differences between controlled and uncontrolled ADD.

That's enough for this first Posting. Takes a lot of concentration to set up your first Blog, 'specially because I took the "Muggle" patch off about three hours ago and if I don't end now, I'll end up writing the chimpanzee version of War and Peace.

So, with that said, Don't ever forget to take the chance to Howl at the Moon.

Oh yeah......Eff Michael Vick.