Wednesday, September 30, 2009

A Public Service Announcement.........

..........quite the nice little effect....but perhaps the choice of background music gives away the ending?

I dunno......I laughed.

Hey.....your thoughts?

Not trying to stir things up here, srsly.....but it kind of gave me pause....

Clicky*clicky for bigger.....


Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The Difference...........

The reason the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines squabble among themselves is that they don't speak the same language.

For example, take a simple phrase like, "Secure the building."

• The Army will put guards around the place.

• The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.

• The Air Force will take out a 5-year lease with an option to buy.

• The Marines will kill everybody inside and make it a command post.

Mebbe I shoulda been Air Force.
Nah.......what the hell fun would that be?


Monday, September 28, 2009 here's a little "skull" scratcher.......

From Skyway News..........
A skull long believed to be that of Adolf Hitler actually belonged to a woman, according to an American scientist who has taken DNA samples from it.

The skull was taken by Soviet forces in 1945 when they found charred remains outside the Nazi dictator's bunker in Berlin.

The Russians said at the time that the findings backed claims that Hitler had shot himself on April 30, 1945, and then been cremated along with his wife, Eva Braun.

Now, however, archaeologist and bone specialist Nick Bellantoni says the skull really belonged to a woman aged under 40 and not Hitler - who was 56 when he died.

Neither does Mr Bellantoni believe the skull belongs to Braun, Hitler's long-time girlfriend and last-minute wife, who is thought to have killed herself by taking cyanide and would therefore not have had a bullet wound - as this skull has.

The Russians say they have never claimed the skull itself was the chief reason for their belief the skull was Hitler's.

Instead, they point to dental records as confirmation that Hitler killed himself.

But in the mean time, since good ol' Adolf was 56 in 1945, odds are that he's still dead.......

But where in the world is his skull?

Or Waldo for that matter?........

*See, I told you, If you have no idea what in the world you want to read today.....jus drop in here at the Lair.....*

Saturday, September 26, 2009

What did we do today.......?

.....Well, we watched Football....and my youngest Cub, who I'm starting to think of as "Malsom N'Qoss", instead of Lil'Wolfie....harass a poor opposing Quarterback......

....and as a young Wolf he is.....lays back, *a bit lazy*, and then the attack....

Yep, lotsa metaphors that I'll spare you....suffice to say that he's "starting" to understand what he's capable of.....still a bit shy of the over exerting himself thing, but when he smells the prey....well let's just say,

Dinner is on the table, and it's Quarterback........Courtesy of #77....

We had a great time, Lil'Wolfie had a Better time, and we're all done in.....gonna eat some Chinese food,(Quarterback gives me gas at my age), and kick back, watch a movie and hit the rack......

*Oh, you should have heard Dragn, his biggest fan.....she was beside herself with excitement......made it all the more fun for me......*

Hope you had a great day too.....

Some "Blog Friends"........

......lost a dear family member.....their Kitteh.

The bond between Real Humans and the Animals that they care for is deep, and the loss of one can be a heart break......

Kittehs are a different sort of "Pet". They Choose whom they live with and give affection to....remember the old "joke".....

"Dogs have Masters, Cats have Staff"........

Terry and Eddie, my four legged Family members join Dragn and myself in howling for your loss.........

*yeah, sometimes I get with it.*

Friday, September 25, 2009

Today at the Capitol..........


The objective of this gathering is to invite the Muslim Communities and friends of Islam to express and illustrate the wonderful diversity of Islam. We intend to manifest Islam's majestic spiritual principals as revealed by Allah to our beloved prophet

Muhammad (PEACE BE UPON HIM) of Arabia. Likewise; we intend to inspire a new generation of Muslim to work for the greater good of all people. We shall serve all

people, regardless of race, religion or national origin".

Jeez.....I think we need some music for the Festivities......EVERYBODY:

I hates this Shi-ite.
*Yes, I am an're not?*


Thursday, September 24, 2009

For the Record........

.....I would have been Just as Outraged had this been done during the last Administration.......

Teaching the little chilluns to sing the praises of Obama.....

It is Bull-Shi-ite.

We have a Citizen President in this Great Country......He isn't a King or an Emperor, Folkes.


The Lyrics:

Mm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

He said that all must lend a hand
To make this country strong again
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

He said we must be fair today
Equal work means equal pay
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

He said that we must take a stand
To make sure everyone gets a chance
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

He said red, yellow, black or white
All are equal in his sight
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Barack Hussein Obama

Mmm, mmm, mm
Barack Hussein Obama

Song 2:
Hello, Mr. President we honor you today!
For all your great accomplishments, we all doth say "hooray!"

Hooray, Mr. President! You're number one!
The first black American to lead this great nation!

Hooray, Mr. President we honor your great plans
To make this country's economy number one again!

Hooray Mr. President, we're really proud of you!
And we stand for all Americans under the great Red, White, and Blue!

So continue ---- Mr. President we know you'll do the trick
So here's a hearty hip-hooray ----

Hip, hip hooray!
Hip, hip hooray!
Hip, hip hooray!

Ain't That Special?


Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Oh the E-mails I get.........

.....I doubt that he read it.......

Dear Mr. President:
I'm planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico for my health,
and I would like to ask you to assist me.
We're planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico,
and we'll need your help to make a few arrangements.
We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws.
I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here.
So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, that I'm on my way over?
Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:
1. Free medical care for my entire family.
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need,
whether I use them or not.
3. Please print all Mexican government forms in English.
4. I want my grandkids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers.
5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and history.
6. I want my grandkids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school.
7. Please plan to feed my grandkids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.
9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico, but, I don't plan to purchase car insurance,
and I probably won't make any special effort to learn local traffic laws.
10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo
from their president to leave me alone,
please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.
11. I plan to fly the U.S. Flag from my house top, put U S. Flag decals on my car,
and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th.
I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes,
or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.
13. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice
and never say a critical things about me or my family,
or about the strain we might place on their economy.
14. I want to receive free food stamps.
15. Naturally, I'll expect free rent subsidies.
16. I'll need Income tax credits so although I don't pay Mexican Taxes,
I'll receive money from the government.
17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican Gov't pays $ 4,500 to help me buy a new car.
18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program
so that I'll get a monthly income in retirement.
I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things
for all his people who come to the U.S. From Mexico.
I am sure that President Calderon won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.
Thank you so much for your kind help.
You're the man!!!

Don't evah Piss off the Dragn because.......


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

How to take a wife: According to the Bible.......


#1 – Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. You then own her.
(Deuteronomy 21:11-13) See among the captives a beautiful woman, and have a desire for her and would take her as a wife for yourself, then you shall shave her head and trim her nails. She shall also remove her clothes and shall remain in your house, and you may go in to her and be her husband and she shall be your wife.

#2 – Find a prostitute and marry her.
(Hosea 1:1-3) the Lord said to Hosea, “Go, take to yourself a wife of harlotry and have children of harlotry.”

#3 – Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
(Ruth 4:5-10) Moreover, along with this land, I have traded for Ruth the Moabitess, the widow of Mahlon, to be my wife.

#4 – Pick the dancer you like.
(Judges 21:19-25) The sons of Benjamin took wives according to their number from those who danced, whom they carried away.

#5 – Cut off 200 foreskins of soldiers to get a wife.
(I Samuel 18:27) David struck down two hundred men among the Philistines. Then David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full number to the king, that he might become the king’s son-in-law. So Saul gave him Michal his daughter for a wife.

#6 – Hold a beauty contest, and pick your favorite.
(Esther 2:3) “They gather every beautiful young virgin to the citadel of Susa, to the harem, and let their cosmetics be given them. Then let the young lady who pleases the king be queen in place of Vashti.

#7 – Spot a woman you like, and demand your parents get her for you.
(Judges 14:2) So he came back and told his father and mother, “I saw a woman in Timnah, one of the daughters of the Philistines; now therefore, get her for me as a wife.”

#8 – Snoop on her bathing, send your henchmen to take her.
(2 Samuel 11) David arose from his bed and walked around on the roof of the king’s house, and from the roof he saw a woman bathing; and the woman was very beautiful in appearance. David sent messengers and took her, and when she came to him, he lay with her; she became his wife; then she bore him a son.

..........And to think, all I did was pick up my High School Drummer, Wolfie the Elder, from a practice at the local Middle School......

G-d works in mysterious ways.....

*Thanks, G-d....*

'ZO is at it again........

I am just so impressed with this young Man.

Admit it, so are you, even if you don't do me a favor and go Buy His Stuff

*An artists gotz to eat*

Monday, September 21, 2009

Some Country Rules to Live By.......

*Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong.

*Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

*Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor..

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

* You cannot unsay a cruel word.

* Every path has a few puddles.

* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

* The best sermons are lived, not preached.

* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

* Don't judge folks by their relatives.

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.

* Timing has a lot to do with the success of a rain dance.

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every morning.

* Always drink upstream from the herd.

* Good judgment comes from experience.... and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

* Live simply, love generously, care deeply, and speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Via E-mail.......a bit politically Snarky......

......but what the heck, it's Friday......and I miss my Favorite Troll.....

This one is a little different... Two Different Versions! Two
Different Morals!


The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and
plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no
food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!


The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building
his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and
plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and
demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed
while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the
shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable
home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody
cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green.'

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house
where the news stations film the group singing, 'We shall overcome.'
Jesse then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim in an interview with Larry King
that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call
for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act
retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green
bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is
confiscated by the government.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits
of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to
be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the
house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the
once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be careful how you vote in 2010.

Been too busy to do anything original.......

.....What with Back to School nites....back to back, football and band practices, Dragn's big school I'll be lazy and share this list of questions that people should wonder.......some from Stephen Wright, George Carlin.....etc...

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Jessica's Puppy was Kidnapped!!!!!!

When Jessica Simpson’s poor little pooch was taken by a coyote earlier this week, the star did what any celebrity would do – she took to Twitter.

The 29-year-old star Tweeted: “A coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes. HORROR! We are searching. Hoping. Please help!”

But as celebrity dog trainer Jennifer McCarthy pointed out to Us magazine, “Obviously, coyotes don’t Twitter, so that would be essentially not effective in this case.”

Unfortunately for Simpson, the 5-year-old Maltipoo’s chances of survival are slim, as the coyote probably ate the poor little pup.


Still, Simpson offered a reward via Twitter for Daisy, who was a gift from ex-husband Nick Lachey.

One wonders what coyotes are charging these days .................

Girl is Adorable cute....but "kinda" not all there....yannow?

Oh.....truly sorry about Daisy.

Stephen Wiltshire........

.......An Autistic Savant....a Beautiful Mind.....a "Human Camera".

Be amazed.

Wow, huh?

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

A Writing lesson........

All great writers have a certain knack for creating a picture in your mind.....the proper use of the metaphorical phrase is a key to this process.....

Take for examples, these wonders........

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a thigh master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He spoke with wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She grew on him like E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

She had a deep throaty genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before he throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad, as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six foot three inch tree.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge free ATM.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7 pm instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

The hailstones leaped up off the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star crossed lovers raced across a grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resemble Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the east river.

Even in his last years, grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

“Oh, Jason, take me!” she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

The Ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids with power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

She was as easy as the TV guide crossword.

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

Her voice had that tense grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightening.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

I mean, srsly....the proper use of a metaphor is like a simile only different, but it's too difficult to explain.......

*forgive me....I thought they were funny.*

Monday, September 14, 2009

Just thinking........

From a comment I placed this morning at The Porch

If I think that Kanye West is an a-hole, am I a rascist?
If I think that Michael Vick is an a-hole, am I a rascist?
If I think that Van Jones is an a-hole, am I a rascist?
If I think that Cynthia McKinney is an a-hole, am I a rascist?
If I think that Serena Williams is an a-hole, am I a rascist?
If I think that O J Simpson is an a-hole, am I a rascist?
If I think that Kobe Bryant is an a-hole, am I a rascist?
If I think that Jesse Jackson is an a-hole, am I a rascist?
If I think that Al Sharpton is an a-hole, am I a rascist?

But I think Trackacrat is a Great Guy.......

I guess I just don’t get it.
*By the way "Big Guy"'ve been added to the Blogroll....whoop-de-doo....*

Sunday, September 13, 2009

The wekend is waning......

.....and I'm not really feeling up to my usual snuff, been busy and a nice weekend for all accounts,

Got an ammo tote, desert brown shoulder strap.....Dragn will be toting the Tiberius in it.....not quite your Paris Hilton fru fru dog look, but then M'Lady is not Paris Hilton.....

The ball game was good, M'Lady filmed it from the press box while I acted the Sire and snapped photos and yelled encouragement to #77....we lost, and by a large margin, but half the Defense was out with sniffles, and only three boys on the team have ever played before...he, it was great.

Lil'Wolfie, that would be #77, played both sides and only sat about five plays....he slept so well last night.....

Wolf the Elder spent his whole day filming a "Who's dumb enough to jump off this cliff" video....oh yes, He was dumb enough....not to worry, the water is deep and the rocks scarce...Dragn is going to help doing the edits....should be fun from the bits I've seen.......

Today was pretty laid back, the Cubs slept till about 0930, Lil'Wolfie had his "picture day" for football, we hung around doing little chores, went up to the park and played "Old" Folk vs "Cub" football......

I may just be sore in the morning, because Lil'Wolfie and Friends got tired of losing and co-opted M'Lady Dragn to play for them....Have I told you that She is an athlete of high caliber?.......ouch.....those College Softball Players can get rough.....

Even lost my phone in one of the "hurts" she dropped on me......Dammitall, what fun.

Anyways, the Cubs have gone to their Momma's house, Dragn is creating a powerpoint that's way over my head, and ol'Wollf?

Well, I'm going to crack a beer and cozy up on the couch with the dogs and Kitteh, and watch a movie.....

So don't call....I won't answer.....even though I trekked back up to the park and found my phone....

Be good People, I know you will....

Saturday, September 12, 2009

As a favor........ Reaper, asked for some info on auto shotguns......

And that's my dream weapon......

A Saturday Musical Interlude.....

I imagine the singing Alien to be the Obamacare Health Reform Bill, singing to us....

Beautiful music......

Did you see the News on the Capitol March today? Quite an impressive "Litle Fringe" group of voters.....

Pay attention Folkes, we are in interesting, and historic times.

Just got back from the Ventura gun some toys and a Satchel for the Midget dog Tiberius, taking a short break and heading down to Agoura for Steeler Football.

Go Steelers, the little ones, and Go Lil'Wolfie!!
Happy Saturday,

Friday, September 11, 2009

Speaking of Never Forgetting........

Remember the Men and Women of the Armed Forces, who are continually taking the fight to the Enemy's house.......

Semper Fi,

Never Forget.......

........and Never Forgive.


*National Day of Service, my Ass......*


Thursday, September 10, 2009

Ten Puns........

It is said that the ability to make and understand PUNS is the highest level of language development. Here are the top 10 winners in the International Pun Contest.

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The Stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, ‘Dam!’

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says, ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. But why they asked, as they moved off. ‘Because,’ he said, ‘I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.’

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, ‘They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.’

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to ‘persuade’ them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is SO BAD, it’s good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And, finally, there was the person who posted ten different puns, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make his readers laugh. No pun in ten did

He apologized.........

For telling the truth in the Halls of Congress.......

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Some more "silly" Amerind.....

A Cree man and a Peskotomuhkati woman who have never met before find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

After the initial embarrassment and uneasiness, they both go to sleep. The Cree man in the upper berth, and the Peskotomuhkati woman in the lower berth.

In the middle of the night the Cree man leans over, wakes the Peskotomuhkati woman and says,"I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly reach over and get me another blanket."

The Peskotomuhkati woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye says, "I have better idea. Just for tonight let's pretend that we are married."

The Cree man happily says, "OK! AWESOME!"

Then the Peskotomuhkati woman says "GOOD..... Get your own blanket."

I'm glad I didn't marry a Tribal girl........

*We were up early, Little Tiberius has a nasty cough, going back to the Vet today.....*
He'll be ok....I "feel" it.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Posted with no comment.......

...because a comment isn't necessary....well, except......"creepy".....

H/T to the Master Chief Airdale......a Minkee of High Repute.

A lot of People figure I'm a Cowboy.......

.......because I was born and bred in Arizona. Here's one of favorite Cowboy stories for a Labor Day afternoon......

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen.

He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

"I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain 't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don't want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly.

He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, what happened back in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!"


.....playin' the Football!!!

Because I am the Papa Wollf, you will ocassionally be forced to deal with the photos of #77 making a hit.....

So there. Happy Labor Day, Dragn and I are heading up to walk around Main Street Ventura....always a good time.

Be good, Go Steelers!
*the little ones*

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Gotz a Friend..........

.......For Uber.

Ok, before I post this, let me fill in the "newer" Folkes, and a bit of opinion.....

First, let me say that a the ultimate Friend and companion, and the medium-big are the best.......

I have had the Biggest, her name was Heidie, a Great Dane, that my First born--*G-d Rest Her Soul*--.....rode, as in really Rode, when she was three years old.Died young, as the breed is wont to do....good dog.

The smallest dog that I have ever had was a Terrier mix, about twenty pounds, and the goofiest companion that I have ever tendency is toward Labs.....medium sized, and LAL----Loyal and Loving....

Okey dokes.....the Lair, although my young Bride calls it the Menagerie sometimes, is comprised of.......

Uber Doggen Snool....AKC Choclate Labrador, the tall, muscular, North American Breed.

Ransom of Red Chief......Orange-Red, Maine Coon Kitteh.

Four Birds....too many names to mention, but they are Parakeets....stories of these dodo heads will follow.

T-Rex.....Australian Frilled Dragon.....currently at about 20 inches long, a sweethear that we All hope stays that way, as he will be three feet long by the end of the year.....*whats a Frilled Dragon, you ask?.....* Look Here .......

But as always, I have digressed....(ADD, ain't it wonderful?)......

Gotz a new Dog! His name is Tiberius Maximus...... You do Not want to approach the Lair without, He is, and don't worry, he's getting along famously with his two new Brothers, Uber and Ransom......

Oh.....Tiberius would be the Black one.........

Ok, he's a half Chihuaha, half Gray Fox mix....see those ears?......heh, he's not much in size, but....oh crap, I think I Loves the little squirt.

Has some attitude.......
Wish him luck, he's got some stuff wrong with him, but We, Dragn and Me, are going to nurse this little "poop" back to 100%.......

One smart Dog.....Uber, as you can see, loves him....Ransom finally has a Dog he can slap around.....and Dragn?.......Let's just say that Maternal Instinct has kicked in at about 0-120mph in ....oh, Zero seconds..... heh.

Yes, those are 'Zona Colors, Red and Blue......Did I tell you 'Zona won yesterday?
Happy Labor Day,

Wollf......and his Lady, Dragn

Friday, September 4, 2009

An Open "Parable"........ two of my Favorite Peoples, who, although I Know they've had extensive firearms training, can't seem to pull the trigger.......even though it's quite evident that they Love each other.........

Let’s say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie: she accepts: they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again, they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?” And then there is silence in the car.

To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself:
Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want or isn’t sure of.

And Roger is thinking; Gosh, six months.

And Elaine is thinking: but hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward…. I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking; So, that means it was….let’s see.. February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means.. let me check the odometer..Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed, even before I sensed it, that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I’m going to have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600. ….

And Elaine is thinking: He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a 90-day warranty..scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a warranty. I’ll take their warranty and stick it right up their……

“Roger,” Elaine says aloud.

What? says Roger, startled.

Please don’t torture yourself like this, she says, here eyes beginning to brim with tears, “Maybe I should never have…Oh God, I feel so.. (she breaks down, sobbing.)

“What?” says Roger.

“I’m such a fool,” Elaine sobs. “I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”

“There’s no horse?” says Roger.

“You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Elaine says.

“No!” says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

“It’s just that.. it’s that I.. I need some time,” Elaine says.

There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.


Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand. “Oh Roger, do you really feel that way?” she says.

“What way?” says Roger.

“That way about time,” says Elaine.

“Oh”, says Roger. “Yes.”

Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.

“Thank you Roger,” she says.

“Thank you” says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn.

When Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turn on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand that, and so, he figures it’s better if he doesn’t think about it.

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine’s will pause just before serving, frown, and say, “Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?”

And that’s the difference between men and women.

So.......Just Get Friggin' Married Already !!!
Dragn and I need a road trip, and Chicago is always fun.......

*NOTE: No former or current Federal Officers were injured or embarassed during the posting of this parable*


More Amerind philosophy........

What do you hear?

A Native American and his friend were in downtown New York City, walking near Times Square in Manhattan.

It was during the noon lunch hour and the streets were filled with people. Cars were honking their horns, taxicabs were squealing around corners, sirens were wailing, and the sounds of the city were almost deafening.

Suddenly, the Native American said, "I hear a cricket."

His friend said, "What? You must be crazy. You couldn't possibly hear a cricket in all of this noise!"

"No, I'm sure of it," the Native American said, "I heard a cricket."

"That's crazy," said the friend.

The Native American listened carefully for a moment, and then walked across the street to a big cement planter where some shrubs were growing. He looked into the bushes, beneath the branches, and sure enough, he located a small cricket. His friend was utterly amazed.

"That's incredible," said his friend. "You must have super-human ears!"

"No," said the Native American. "My ears are no different from yours. It all depends on what you're listening for."

"But that can't be!" said the friend. "I could never hear a cricket in this noise."

"Yes, it's true," came the reply. "It depends on what is really important to you. Here, let me show you."

He reached into his pocket, pulled out a few coins, and discreetly dropped them on the sidewalk. And then, with the noise of the crowded street still blaring in their ears, they noticed every head within twenty feet turn and look to see if the money that tinkled on the pavement was theirs.

"See what I mean?" asked the Native American. "It all depends on what's important to you."

Back to being abnormal.......

An interesting letter in the Australian Shooter Magazine this week........ which I quote:

”If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theater of operations during the past 22 months, and a total of 2112 deaths, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000 soldiers.

The firearm death rate in Washington, DC is 80.6 per 100,000 for the same period.

That means you are about 25 per cent more likely to be shot and killed in the US capital, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the US, than you are in Iraq.”

Conclusion: The US should pull out of Washington..............

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Anti Health Care in MY Home Town.....

Finally some excitement in my sleepy little, "safest town in America"........

From the AP......

THOUSAND OAKS, Calif. – California authorities say a clash between opponents and supporters of health care reform ended with one man biting off another man's finger.

Ventura County Sheriff's Capt. Frank O'Hanlon says about 100 people demonstrating in favor of health care reforms rallied Wednesday night on a street corner. One protester walked across the street to confront about 25 counter-demonstrators.

O'Hanlon says the man got into an argument and fist fight, during which he bit off the left pinky of a 65-year-old man who opposed health care reform.

A hospital spokeswoman says the man lost half the finger, but doctors reattached it and he was sent home the same night.

She says he had Medicare. *Now THAT is Irony*

O'Hanlon says the attacker fled but authorities have a good description.

Heh.......So do I.....

If I make a Citizen's Arrest...*Please G-d*.....he'll be turned in with all of his fingers still attached.

*I didn't say not broken......*

WE are the "terrorists"??????

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Pic Dump time.......

The old computation device is filling up, so I have to clear space.....mostly pics and photos that I've downloaded because they strike me funny, odd, adorable or sometimes....even thoughtful and poignant....

We've all heard the old phrase about the's much more important to ignore the RINO in the room....or at least what he's saying.......

Do you ever feel like you were born on the wrong planet? I sure do.......

Something I hear around the Lair all too often...not really, the Cubs are indeed a handful of Cubbish mischief.......Thanks Dragn for Loving them......

Beware the attack of the Zombie Kittehs!!!!!

"I am so glad that I am not a poodle", says Uber....."I'd eat your toes in your sleep if you ever embarassed me like this....."

There.....more to come, and then I'll get back to that Amerind story that I was touting......srsly

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

In case you're wondering.........

......about the huge "Station" fire in SoCal.....this is a quick time lapse of last evening's view across the valley.

I stole it from ROSE

If they say evacuate.....please do, I can't afford any loss of readership.