Sunday, November 4, 2007

Ok, I'm back........

Anybody even Notice that Wollf didn't post last nite?

No??..........hmmm, didn't think so. I was Busy. THAT, I think, is a breakthrough for me.

Tonight, I think I'm going to talk a bit about where I am, where I'm going, and my observations on this whole Divorce/Separation/ADD/Introspection/Journey thingie that I'm on, and what I've learned about myself..........

You can't say I didn't warn you.

This little "Glitch in the Matrix", (copy write not even Close to pending), has taken on a tiny little life of its' own. I can see that it's influenced by my becoming more accepting of myself, and a whole lot because of your input, both via the comments and e-mails.

People who didn't even "exist" in my perception of reality three months ago. People whose "existence" I now hold dear.

Jeez, what a suck up.
Carry on, I'll be back later.

My entire perception of my situation has changed remarkably. I suppose that I've stumbled upon the "right" way for me to deal with this whole thing. If not for the steps that I've taken, in the Order that I've taken them, I would probably still be an emotional mess.

I've worked it from the inside out...........learning about myself, accepting responsibility where it was mine, Honoring my commitments......and finally accepting myself for who I really am.

Who am I? That guy in the "about me"........just a "regular" guy.........a guy who works hard to get a good paycheck, who works hard to be a good Sire, a guy, "now", who can focus on the importance of relational issues without sacrificing who he really is.

And I'm enjoying it.

Mrs P. noted the other day that I had "changed". That I seemed even more the quirky, joyful fellow that I was when we had met lo these twenty years ago. Hell yes I was quirky and joyful. I was just emerging from a Horrible situation....And I was still alive and with all of my,(well most), body parts still attached.

Ok, that deserves a "little" explanation......just the end of one of my fingers....another in a myriad of interesting scars on this body of mine. (Oh, as an aside, this IS a Wizard holiday)

I felt.........good?, more like vindicated that she said that. Where was she going with that remark?

I don't know. I truly don't care. I only have one "expectation", and it is the only one that I can control. I Expect myself to act in all things, with Honor.

I started this blog as a semi private journal. I put a Lot of stuff out there in the ether. When a few good Souls "stumbled" upon it............That's what made the difference. It held me accountable. I received a few comments, and it made me re-read my posts.

It made what I was saying to myself sink in, if that makes any sense to you. A journal is getting everything off of your chest. This blog was doing the same thing, but with the added power of thoughtful comments from the four corners....(no, I'm not kidding), of this continent.

Tremendously powerful shi-ite for this Wollf to absorb. Thanks, once again.

Mrs P. is working on a different way. I don't get it, I don't care for it, but I don't judge it. I simply don't care. Her choice. Her future.

Me? My choices. My future. My Cubs' futures.

Since I'm in Wizard mode, yesterday And today, I am Bored with this subject. I wanna do something fun, but what?

I have an idea. I'll tell a story.......or two or the next post. But you know something? I'm going to get some Haagen Daz first. Strawberry. Yum.

In a bit....unless something distracts me..........


Rose said...

Trite as it sounds - today is the first day of the rest of your life. There's no need to stay mad at Mrs. P - your time together made each of you what you are, and from what I can see from afar, you turned out fine. A man of honor. It's good to know you.

Howlsatmoon said...

Yeah, Rose, I know. I'm not nearly so much "mad", as truly "bewildered".

I am looking at Life differently. There's no room for anger toward someone who is simply hurting and "broken".

I had my part in that hurt. If I could "FIX" it, would I? You bet.

But my path has taken me to a place where I can see differently.

I'm no longer the "fixer". All I can do is care and support to the degree I'm able.

Thanks for your kind words.

Heh, I love that word "afar". Sounds like a Kingdom in a fairy tale.

"There once was a Prince who lived in the Kingdom of Afar".....