ESTP,INTJ, ENTP, Tarot, and Amerind Spirituality...

Whew, what a combination, huh? Well, in my usually unusual writing style, I'm going to attempt to tie a number of recent Posts together in a cogent way. G-d works in mysterious ways, as they say, and I think I'm getting the hang of the "Understanding" that I strive for.

Although I'm looking forward to discussing this with the wise Doc, I feel that through the bits and pieces that I've posted and the Very welcome comments, I'm finally getting a grasp on "Cause, Effect and Path Forward". The changes that I, my Cubs and my Friends have seen in me are real.....we've discussed the "whats, whens and whys" of how I got to the point where I started this Blog.

But how? As in how did a Love that seemed so perfect evaporate? And how did I change?
It's all in what I've written, really. Somewhat like Tom Hanks chasing down seemingly unconnected clues on his way to deciphering the "DaVinci Code". (ok, not nearly as riveting, but you get the point).

Rambling Rose made an excellent point in one of her comments, as did KT with regard to my less than educated "guess" about the (sudden?) and almost miraculous change from ESTP to ENTP personality traits.

The ENTP is what I've always been. The "N", or Intuition part of my makeup was there and strong when I first met her and we were inexorably drawn together. I didn't drink at all back then, she, as she is today, was a firm INTJ. All the literature that I've found so far describes how and why we were drawn together from the moment we had lunch.

Life together was pretty good. We weathered quite a few nasty storms together and came out smiling, counting on one another. The ADD wasn't a problem. She helped to keep me on track, probably guessing that something "special" was happening in my head. Me? Oh, I guessed that something was amiss upstairs but when I decided to do something about it....OOOOH! A kitty cat!, Wait, I've got to water the begonias..etc.

Then, the three Losses. That's when the ADD became a curse. I had three of the six or so channels of my mind constantly tuned into my Brother, Dog and Daughter. Depression reigned and was exacerbated by my attempts to shut down the thinking with alcohol in the evenings and when we went out.

To borrow a phrase from Lil' Wolfie, I was a MOERK. That's a combination of moron and jerk, and I think it might have fit me to a tee. I was not a pleasant fellow when under the influence of Depression, depressants and the "all over the place" ADD.

The "N", intuition, was "masked" by the "S" of sensing. A well known current ESTP is William Jefferson Clinton.....need I say more? Everything was about me. I was the brightest lite in the candelabra. I Needed to be in control and to show how powerful and intelligent I was.

At a terrible cost, as we know.

But, let's bounce up and out of that particular sewer. Through this (at one time private) journal/blog and then the insightful commentary of "strangers" who have become dear friends.....I dropped the last vestiges of depression, quit self medicating, and "found my marbles".

They were there all along, tucked away in a little sack emblazoned with an "N".

Wollf isn't changed. Wollf is simply and undeniably Back. So, with me so far? Now,(possibly because I took a break AND removed the Muggle patch), things are going to get a bit goofy.

Some more clues as to the reclaiming of my True Self. Remember my little furry visitor from a week ago and the words that popped to my mind as though from my Grandfather's lips?

"A visit from Raccoon, Malsom nqoss, is always telling." She is the creator of masks.
We all wear them. She tells us that our outer self is only an extension of our inner Soul. She represents change, luck and fortune in finding one's "true" desire.

An awakening of one's playful spirit. An acceptance of one's circumstance and a throwing off of sadness

But now, I think I interpret the Spirit visit differently. She wasn't telling me to put "on" a new mask for this new me. She was there to "remove" a mask that I had erroneously worn for six years. And the mask I wore didn't have eye slits. It was as false as the ones used in the old Amerind ceremonies, not allowing me to see what I was doing. I had to simply perform the dance by rote.

I couldn't see the needs of the People I was closest to.

She visited me to forever throw off that mask and to tell me that I was in fact healed.

Goofier still...the night is young....The Tarot Reading, remember it? Where I am now.

(The Hierophant)

You are simply struggling to conform to others expectations of you and everybody has an opinion of what you should do. Perhaps you are having a crisis of faith and are unsettled at a very spiritual level. Ask yourself who you really are? What is important to you? What makes you happy? Seek out advice or wise counsel if you wish, but accepting who you really are and going after what you want instead of what others want for you is the most important.

Just seemingly validating what I have done and showing me the direction that my Journey must take from this point on my path. I am Wollf again. I have to continue my learning about myself and sharing wise counsel with those who can assist me in my trek, and to help others who might be on the same Journey with whatever smattering of Understanding that I might have gleaned so far.

No, I'm not a believer in New Age, tarot, crystals, magnets etc. But I am a True Believer in Divine Coincidence.(TM pending) The G-d that I believe in is a G-d of great Humor and Mystery.

It simply seems to me that all the little pieces of His puzzle for me came together in one small moment in time. I've tried here to tie all the "recent" signposts together as an explanation for myself.

I need to see Logic, Meaning and of course the "How". I hope you enjoyed this little detour off the beaten path, and would gladly read and respond to any commentary you might have, seeing as this thing "jist ain't private" anymore.

I am most Definitely glad it isn't.
Taking another break. Gonna think about editing for once..........

Naah.....that's the charm of my goofiness isn't it?
Wollf