Why I didn't Post last nite....

Instead of 'splain'n, Lucy, what follows is a cut-n-paste of an e-mail back-n-forth between the Beautiful Mrs.P and old Wollf,(me).

My response, all "tinged" with frustration at not being heard, came from her opening line. I had sent her a message letting her know that my Diagnosing Doc had contacted me and requested that she and I both come in and consult with him about my particular ADD, the effects of my "self meding" and get us both on the same page and trying to work out the past, and move into the future.....Together.

He makes no bones about wanting to get the family healed. Me neither. But, it takes two to really heal.

Anyhoo, her excerpted, (but exact),response to my request. The "whole" email has a bit too much in the way of family info, and no way do I want Anyone who is actually entertained by my style of writing, to know to much about the Pack. Just kiddin'! Kinda.

Her response:

"I can't imagine why Dr (REDACTED)would want to see us both so NO I don't want to
be a part of that. If he really has something to tell me he can email or
call me."

Right. Followed by Directions on what I needed to buy,(which items I had already bought), and where I had to have the cubs, when and with what. Signed off with a "Later, (NAME REDACTED).

I wrote back, probably in the most strong and clear language I've ever used with the Beautiful Mrs. P. Pay attention, folks....There truly will be a one word quiz at the end. If anyone wants to, I would Really appreciate the answer in the comments.

My E-mail back:

"That spells out your lack of interest Quite bluntly.
I definitely felt a bit of a chill when we "visited".

I'll take care of All the things a Dad needs to.

AND, I shall not become annoyed by the current tone you keep.

AND, it's because, although I thoroughly deserved the emotional beatings that you have given me, it' too late for more.
That horse is DEAD.

I'm friggin' Lost here, and I have nothing.

You show nothing but contempt for me. Fine, I Deserve to hurt.

You're afraid of something. Don't be. It seems You want out, and you don't want anything to sway you.
You're winning, I'm starting to lose hope.

It ISN'T an excuse...but it's,(at least to me), a friggin' Reason! And it's treatable, and controllable and I.......or we, have to accept that a lot of the Bullsh...I made you endure came out of it, and my inability to hear or act or talk or communicate or relate or be friggin' intimate with you because of it.

Without belittling any of the HURT I gave YOU at All, IT'S given ME a whole hell of a lot more pain than it has you!

Depression is FUN?
Wanting to Kill yourself is Fun?
Losing the woman that you Love is FUN?
Not being with your kids is FUN?
Drinking Just so it'll Shut he Eff up is FUN?

I'm more different now than you can imagine.
A chance, now that I can understand, that's all I'm wanting.

I'm, by the way, not Even angry with you.
I AM however about Truly Done with God's sick seeming sense of Cosmic Humor.
I feel like a lot of my friggin' LIFE has been wasted.

Yeah, I've always been able to see "Glimpses" of the Beauty, but not until Friggin' NOW have I been able to HOLD on to it!

I'm not sorry for writing this. I make up my Own mind on Everything I do Now.
I don't have a friggin' gazillion thoughts zinging around, spitting out Venomand half formed thoughts with little and sometimes no control.
I don't have to cover my feelings and emotions and thoughts because

I OWN them now.

My Love for you isn't going anywhere.
It's here to stay for a long time.

My Blog isn't going to be very funfilled tonite."

Wow, huh? The quiz question...and "maybe" I'l try to go all modern on ya by inserting a voting deali-bob;

What do YOU think? Was I Too Harsh? It just feels to me that she has made up her mind and NO way is she going to subject herself to "input" contrary to her Foregone Conclusion.

I'll try to Blog less Bummerish,(yes college peoples, I know I made that up, though I Did try to use it once in Scrabble).........later tonite.

Have some ice cream, answer the question; I can definitely use some "muggle" insight.
I'm starting to like you guys.....heh.