"I have had more trouble with myself than with any other man I've met."
Dwight L. Moody
Definitely couldn't have said it better myself.
Had a real live face to beautiful face, (hers, not mine), with Mrs.P today. 45 minutes or so of enlightening.
Good stuff: She's feeling better about herself, stronger, more able to put her thoughts into words. She hasn't "shut the door" on the possibility of Us.
Not so good stuff: She's feeling better 'cuz I'm not there.
She understands that I'm not using the A-ADD as an excuse, that it's a "reason" and that underlying defect that I have is treatable. I think she saw the positive effect of the meds, meditation, counseling, sobriety and quest in our conversation.
It felt like a good start. We both care deeply about the other's health. We're Both on journeys of self revelation and acceptance. She "fell out of Love", doesn't know and doesn't really want to think about the possibility of falling back in Love right now.
Weird. I think I can accept that. It takes time, no matter what the final result.
I just have to nut up and Try...to have the patience to hang in there for the term of this. My cynical side is telling me that I'm just throwing my money and my time down a rat hole and that I should just do the old cut and run. If the big D word were to materialize, it won't hurt me financially.
Did I say Eff Toby Keith? Oh yeah, I guess I did.
20 years is a long time to throw away. Children are not immune to the pain. All I can do is be the New-Old much Improved guy that I am still becoming and keep the hope alive that this'll be the Guy she wants. No control over that.
Oh yeah, a new Eff you award, (I'll have to figure out a graphic for awarding it, kinda like the GOC in Atlanta, one of my fave Bloggers)
To whit: Eff Nascar! Now don't go getting your panties in a bunch, there's an explanation. I don't really have anything pesonal against the "lef turn only" crowd.
It's just that this relatively "hoh-haah" scrumptious lass saw me this morning at the store and did the ol, "Oh Wolfie, (obviously My name has been changed to protect the barely innocent),I feel Sooo bad for you about the separation....relatively chaste hug happens here....Why don't you come with me down to Fontana tonite?......bat's eyes here.....I have season box seats and we'd have Funnn!"
Editor's Note: Lotsa money, personality and looks, But No Friggin' Way!! Aaaagh. I was concerned in my pre-quest days about the beautiful Mrs.P. and shi-ite like that.
(not anymore, besides, she's gonna do what she's gonna do....we have no control over other people thoughts, actions or desires, children.)
Anyhoo, I politely declined the very nice (and friggin Tempting offer), and extricated myself from the predicament.
Why? Remeber your biology, children, Wolves are one of the few species that mate for life. Well, Wolf's only my Totem, but I Do mate for the life of my marriage.
Enough for the nite.....at least it was a bit lighter this time. Lil' Wolfie exhausted me over the last couple days. Fabulous time, but the old wolf needs a nap.
And....now you understand why.....Eff Nascar.
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