Time for the News...with Wollf

Good evening. (sonorous self important talking anchorman voice),

Wollf has searched the News sites for items of interest in the world of News. I will share the pertinent issues with you, the Few, the Faithful, the Fanciful who seem to find a reason to read my tripe.

Ok, first a News Roundup.....a bunch of Muslim Whack jobs blew themselves up and killed (insert number here), a slew of wholly innocent Souls were killed, a few Muslim youths burned some cars in France, Harry Reid said something stupid and condescending, Ted Kennedy said something unintelligible, The Reverend Jackson accused someone of being a racist, Nascar ran a race that included only Left turns, President Bush mis-spoke himself, Obama forgot to cover his heart during the Anthem, Hillary promised free and excellent health care to everyone, 5,000 more Illegal Aliens crossed the Border, Britney, Courtney, Lindsey, or Paris did something trailer trashy, a bus crashed somewhere in South America and killed a bunch of People, and some jerk off Politician, somewhere came up with a new Plan for Peace in the Middle East that won't friggin work.

Oh, and th U.N. blamed the Jews for all of it.

All of this News before I even looked. All made up. All true. Wollf should simply sit back and write the news. It's trite and cliched. Just like Life. Any day of the year, every one of those items will occur.

Wollf is bored with the News. Here's a Late breaking story:

Obama and Huckabee win the Iowa Caucus! Anybody really give a rat's a$$? Anybody? What in the Eff is a friggin Caucus? Why do they refer to their Primaries as a "Caucus"

Is it simply because everyone in Iowa is a "Cauc-asian"? And what the hell does it matter when a state of mostly white, down homers choose a Candidate? Give me a friggin Break. My prediction: Neither on of these two Know nothings will be our next POTUS. Iowa. "The Heart of America"

We need a by-pass, stat.

So.....now that the "Introduction" is done.....The News that caught my eye, complete with VIDEO and PICTURES! Herewith:

Global Warmening has Hit South Florida! (anybody know how to insert one of those ticker tape sounds? This would be soooo much cooler with "Important" sounds in the background.......ok, just imagine...tiktiktik....tiktik.....tikkytikk.tik.tikktik...)

39 degrees in Miami, down in the 20's elsewhere in Florida. The Orange crop, a maiinstay of Florida's agriculture, has been hit, but "experts" think that the crop can be saved.

But, hee,hee, Lizards are falling from the trees. Seems the cold blooded little beasties, not being able to regulate their internal temperatures, have fallen victim to Lizardsickle-itis. They freeze up......and fall out of their trees, smack, bounce, plop.

Residents have been advised to carry umbrellas to protect against the possibility of larger reptiles falling from the skies. Please Folkes, watch where you step, the little critters shatter when stepped on. Rumor has it that Al Gore had scheduled a Lecture on Global Warming in Saratoga.......

Not to worry about the Iguanas, though, those that don't break into a gazillion pieces on initial impact, if not eaten, will arise as from the dead upon thawing. Hey Forida, your own little four legged Lazarus Miracle!!

I can't share this story with Lil" Wolfie, he'll have his mother's freezer filled with all the SoCall lizards he can find as an experiment. (Hmmmmm, insert evil grin here).....maybe I can. Oh, I can see the Face!!

Oops, sorry, I digressed. This is a serious News Report. (Anybody guess what sort of evening this is? Even I can't wait to Publish and read back to see if it makes any friggin sense at all)
Back to the ADD News...

And then there's the Model who is suing the Jewelry Company that she did a commercial for. She claims that she had contracted to do a spot enticing People to buy diamond jewelry, the tag line being "Rock her World". She says that the spot portrays her in a bad light, that the spot seems Pornographic to her.

She was directed what to do, she did it, they filmed it, she was paid for it.....and she had no idea that the spot was going to look like THIS? Was she having an out of body experience? Who the heck was there if that isn't her?

Warning: Fake Female Ecstasy Alert.....not very convincing either.....


Imagine that....the poor dear had no idea what the eeevil corporation was going to do with her......her.......uh.....fake orgasm? What the hell else do you call that performance? Can anybody say "Tort Reform"? Sheesh

I can't stand it any more. More News at Ten.
I'm gonna go get the Cubs......or take a shower....ah, get the Cubs.
Good night
Wollf.......has left the building.