Saturday, December 29, 2007

My, how my world has changed.........

A New Years Post

A brief retrospective.....A little over six months ago, Wollf began his personal re-creation, thanks to his then wife. She was done. As in "I don't want to be married any more" done.

Like a brick to the forehead, I was knocked to my knees. I made some major physical and mental changes in my the earlies if you're interested....started this Blog.....and here I am. (insert blare of strumpets here).

Yes, I know it's not "strumpets", but I enjoyed that post and its comments.

I've been quite prolific since, logging 229 posts since that time in late August. Not necessarily good, mind you, but definitely prolific. Its been good exercise for the mind and Soul. I'm a different Man than the one who began this journey.

Different concerns, different joys, fears and desires. The tone of my posts has evolved accordingly. My self perception has changed. Hell, everything has changed.

Mostly for the good. I don't have as much spare money as I used to, but now I decide what to spend it on. That's a good thing. I've got a ton more alone time. I didn't care for that at first, but that was laziness and short sightedness on my part. Now I cherish it......

What's the joke? "A Hermit doesn't have to worry about peer pressure". My decisions are mine, good or bad, and I take great pleasure in that.

My heart is mostly healed. I'm pragmatic enough to realize it isn't completely over yet, but I've come to accept that little crack and embrace that vulnerability as a shield of sorts. No Fortress walls to protect me any more.

I am truly Wollf. My emotions, pain and joy have regained their freedom through these postings.......Never to be walled in again. If you the reader think that I've said something stupid......good for you. I hope it made you laugh.

These last few days have been a glimpse of what life can really be, given the proper perspective.

I think I'm falling in Love again.

A seemingly impossible sort of Love, fraught with dangers inconceivable, obstacles insurmountable......but it's happened because of a Will beyond my own. I have said any number of times in the last half year, "Never Again!"

But that was said by the mortally wounded Wollf, who wanted nothing but to lie insensate, but safe in the depths of his Lair. I've now drunk deeply of the Chalice, and the wounds have all but healed.

Wollf will walk gingerly through this New Year, but walk he will. Further and further down this path of Life, drinking in its Beauty and sharing his odd fellow joy with anyone who wishes it.

Yes Folke, I think I'm falling in Love again.......with the notion of Love. "Have I told you that you're beautiful?"


Foxfier, formerly Sailorette said...

I come from a much different situation-- much younger and more foolish, for starters-- but...if your really, in your heart, fell that you're falling in love...go with it.

I was in my first ever "relationship." I got dumped hard. Got into another one with someone who wanted a mother, not a woman. Got transfered away and slapped with the reality when he didn't respond to any communication for over six months.

Then.... I met a handsome man who is my mental equal, has the same sense of humor, and actually LIKES me. My Elf.

God Provides, in time.

K T Cat said...

You're a nut, wollf.