Thursday, July 17, 2008
A Year of Changes........
You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.
Oh my, it has dawned on me that this entire "thing" has been a year. One year ago, I found out that my wife...yes, lower case intended.....had "interests" outside of our relationship.
And no, I'm not speaking of Pottery, or learning Fwench.....bad stuff, quite truly.
Twenty years. Three Beautiful Cubs. The amassing of a comfortable upper middle class fortune.......Gone. The "Baleful" Wolf, yup, mine, taken in Great Falls MT, is the perfect visual for the way that I was.
Unsure. Dangerous, and wary.....dammit, frightened. "I want you to leave."
I left my spoor, and my heart all over this "private" journal. If you'd like to see the Journey out of Depression, just read the oldest archives on this site.....I don't recommend it, UNLESS.....you might be going through the same sort of thing. It's the road map....hell, it's topological, showing all the hill, mountains and valleys on the way to my "becoming".
Read there if you must. Now, I'm this Wollf, got all my fur back, I got my testes down off the mantle in the settlement.....yannow?
Once Wollf got his mind together, through way intense introspection, and meditation and, yes a it of prayer, I realised that the Prime Directive was the care of my Cubs. The She-Cub, mature beyond her years, had one foot out the door anyway, and didn't have time for her Sire....no problem, I'd been through that before with two other "She's"
I realised the import of my Life in forming the Lives of my Cubs....I mean, look at 'em......that's how Lovable my Cubs are.....
But, of course, they're older now. Bigger shall be 16 on 09 September. Lil'Wolfie the clone shall be 11 on 29 August......we make a good team. I teach and nurture and kick a$$.....they test the boundaries and make messes and eff up on things that it seems obvious to me that they should be able to avoid.
I kick a$$ again. I ask if they understand. They reply, "Aye Sir.".....then of course, they eff up again.
Not something that upsets me. It's S.O.P. for teenage Boyz....oops, Cubs. What they need is the Alpha safety net. Different than a regular safety net, as discoursed by "Liberal" parents.
If they do something extremely stupid.....yes, like I did when I was their age....yes, you too, and you know it......I'll catch them. Like that cat out of the tree in the post below, I'm the "idiot" with a Heart that will save them.
BUT, IT IS GOING TO BE PAINFUL. They will will pay a price for their youthful indiscretions, they will work to get back in the good graces of their Sire. And they will become Good Men. Period.
I can't do this alone. I am the dictionary definition of an Alpha Male "guy". I have a "bit" of a sensitive side, granted, but.......I do need an occasional mellowing influence......
The year long cycle is over. I had an intense and wonderful love affair, a deep and hopefully lasting friendship once the temper is returned to the steel, and I have found...........Her.
She's completely different than what I imagined....and yes, here we go, all three of you readers....shhhhh...don't desert me, I lourves you, but...I Love Her.
She's the pale one, hanging with Wollf and the Cubs....fits in better than any Dream could have....one of the Boyz, all Gurl, definitely the Lady. The power of the Princess, I suppose........
So, there you have it, unedited, except for spelling, and written in One Swell Foop. When all is said and done, at the end of the day, and when Wollf is exhausted because he STILL can't get it through his thick and furry skull that he's half a century old......his Mate will be there......for Him, and as anyone who knows me understands........
I Will be there for Her. Her name.....on this Blog, anyway, is Dragn
I Love Her.