A few years ago...I wondered about this subject, and being a "Sunday evening Youth group" dude.....this is twenty some odd years ago, Folkes, I had been newly divorced....My choice on this one....anyways, I looked at the Bible.....the Old Testament, actually, for guidance......
Didn't want to screw it up again....although that one lasted 13 years......
And I found the following. Not saying any of these will work.......but "The Bible According to Wollf".....including translation and rewording into modern English, "might" be found amusing.
Hey, I was working with at risk kids...smokin' dope, drinkin'.....all the stuff that I had gone through....and I wanted to amuse them....keeps their interest, dontcha know.......
How to get a wife......."Old School"........
1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
-- (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
2. Find a prostitute and marry her.
-- Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)
3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
-- Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)
4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
-- Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.
-- Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.
-- Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)......that's how I found Dragn......still hurts when I roll over..........
7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman.
-- Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)
8. Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife.
-- David (I Samuel 18:27)
9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative of course.)
-- Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)
10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
-- Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
By the way.....none of this stuff worked for me on the second one..........I didn't follow the rules probably....but this time, because of the Special and wonderful Person I'm pursuing?...........
Sure hope Mr. dragns dad needs a few foreskins......sheesh, the Arab community is going to sqwawk about this one......
Good nite.......Got stuff to do......
Wollf
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1 comment:
Wollf - what's the date of the upcoming nuptials?
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