I once bought my kids batteries for Christmas with a note saying, toys not included. -Bernard Manning
I was so poor growing up, if I hadn’t been a boy I’d have had nothing to play with on Christmas Day. -Rodney Dangerfield
If God had meant Christmas to be a family occasion He wouldn’t have invented TV, would He? -Rory McGrath
A dog is for life, not just for Christmas. So be careful at the office Christmas party. -Jimmy Carr
I saw a guy driving down Hollywood Boulevard with a tree on his bumper and I said: ‘Getting ready for Christmas?’ He said: ‘No, teaching the wife how to drive.’ -Bob Hope
At the office party you’re supposed to sit naked on top of the photocopier, not the shredder. -David Letterman
Roses are reddish, violets are bluish, if it wasn’t for Christmas, we’d all be Jewish. -Benny Hill
Remember that Letterman one Guys, otherwise the Dangerfield quote won't matter......