On Adventure, Dads, Nazis,Bad Smells and Snitching

Hey, this IS somewhat about the ADD author, isn't it? Read on, the Title makes sense, to me anyways. Hardly anything about the Relationship, unless you're evolved enough to read into the whole thing what my position is about "Roles in Parenting". (I just added that so that if you did get confused, you just might be fooled into thinking that I'm deeper than I really am) heh.

Well, just exactly what should I blather about tonite? This is a record setting evening for me, you know.......20 days in a row of doing something without allowing myself to be sidetracked. Not that much of it is good for anything except self expression, but by dammit, I happen to be pleased with myself.

The cubs all had the day off of school today. L'shanah tovah. Today is a Jewish Holiday, and I "think" I got the greeting right.

Anyway, the she-cub did what she usually does on a day off.......went into spontaneous hibernation on the couch in front of the tv. Amazing to me how although the late teens are remembered as some of the most exciting of our lives as we get older, the truth is that most of us slept through them. Heh.

The brothers, remember, 10 and 15 decided on a day o' adventure. Took a couple of their fellows and decided to tame the wilderness surrounding our neighborhood. Yes, it truly is a wilderness.....see blog on rattlesnakes, coyotes and moron suburbanites........and they really shoulda called the Beautiful Mrs.P to ask permission.

Well, needless to say, they didn't. Knowing full well what the response would be. They opted instead to venture forth into the wilds unbeknownst to Momma or Pap Wollf.

Called me in the afternoon to let me know I should pick 'em up at a different than usual coordinate. Happened to be about three miles from the homestead at the head end of a fairly rough canyon that I have hiked a time or two.

All four of 'em piled into the truck, covered head to tail in dirt, mud thistle and the Dammdest smell I ever had the misfortune to experience. They had a good time. They did some dangerous shi-ite, found the "hidden", (heh), pool, cliff and waterfall and did what kids do.

They shall receive a "talkin' to" tomorrow morning. Bigger is at Drumline, and lil' wollf is much too busy killin' Nazis on "Call of Duty" to be bothered. Give me a Break!! It's Roshshana for Chrissakes. What better day to kill Nazis?

I digress. Of friggin' course I digress, it's what I do here. Yes, I took off the muggle patch early tonite. I'm getting much more control of my "impulsivity" even without it. That's from the meditation and following Wollf's rules of order.

Hmmm........I digressed again. No wonder I drove the poore...(heh, inside joke)....Mrs.P to distraction at times.

Did it again, didn't I?

The Point being........will old Wollf snitch on the cubs? Should I tell the Beautiful Mrs.P that the elder "forgot" to let her know that he was hauling off the younger to a place unbeknownst to her? A place where all Sorts of horrible Mother Nightmares live? A place that would be cause for
World class suspension of the "joys of life", ie: GROUNDED!!!?

Heh, Not on yer friggin' life. Not the sort of thing a Momma needs to know. I'll deal with this one. That's what Dads are for. Will they get grounded? Nope. A short reminder .......Quite Firmly, I might add shall suffice, I'm sure.

There, that's your story for tonite.
I gotta go kill some Nazis.

Wednesday is Cub day

Gonna be a fairly short one tonite. Hmmm, does it seem that I start some of my longest ramblings with a statement of that sort? ADD at work, people.



No focus.....or Hyper focus. No in between unless I'm wearing the muggle patch. Havin' a bit of a time with the elder cub......15 years old, and "seems" to have a bit of a chip on his shoulder. Well, I s'pose that's to be expected, but I've got to guide him gently but firmly without showing my annoyance.

Dontcha worry 'bout the old wollf, if he succeeds in thoroughly getting me to the pissed off stage, I shall respond in a way that he shall understand, and hopefully implement in his own life. Firm shall become old school jarhead FIRM.

There's "something" going on with him, but I'm not sure exactly what it is. If the lil' cub is my clone, then the bigger is surely the Beautiful Mrs.P's. Recalcitrant, and doesn't say what he really thinks about things. Oh well, give it time. And give it Love and Patience, something I have sorely lacked in the past.

That's it. Just got a little thing off my chest tonight. Might add more later, might not.
G'night.

Hey......I'm back. Just a quick share. Lil' Wolfie has such a wonderful mind. At ten years old his grasp of the language is quite impressive, and yet, there are those times........

We stopped off at the local meksfood place.....yes Morrie, I spelt it lak thet on porpus....because the cubs were still hungry. Always hungry. Scratch that, always Famished! Anyways, got 'em another ton of food and swung by the market for a drink.

Well, next door to this little store sits an animal emergency room. Big a$$ sign out front and Lil' Wolfie says, "Dad, how come they have a Veterinarian Jail right here in the neighborhood?" "Are their a lot of bad veterinarians around here?"

Huh?

He read the sign as "Veterinary CLINK" instead of CLINIC. It was quite difficult for me. I explained the misread relatively calmly, barely a chuckle escaped my mouth, while inside I was blowing milk out my nose. Damn, I love those kids.

This time , 'night for real.

.......Six Years Later

Wow, September 11, 2001. Never Forget. Never Forgive. Never Waiver.

I guess that there are some things about me that I will Never change. I shall "respond" to people, no matter what I might feel as ill intention. Remember the Rules of the Wollf:

Overlook the Moment. Be Outspoken...with Firmness, Kindness and Patience.

But, dear Children, I shall "REACT" to Animals in human clothing. React with overwhelming force and the rage of the righteous. Show them the "mercy" that they would show to your children. Free their people from their oppression.

Just do them the kindest of favors and speed them on their way to their 72 virgins. Or was that "Virgin ians"? Heh.

All right, Rant over, safe and holster your firearms. Stand Down and at ease.

Lotsa thoughts, but can't really address the issues with the Beautiful Mrs.P tonight. Suffice to say that I caught the faintest glimmer of hope today. Wonderful possibilities, but I must be steadfast in my acceptance of the situation.

I really cannot bear much more hurt. I won't expect, and I can't be disappointed..........yeah, right.

A heartfelt thank you to all who have taken the time to simply listen to me, or go to the trouble of wading through my online ramblings. I "need" that, and I appreciate it.

More weird stuff I'm noticing about myself. Don't tell anybody. I Like ice cream. I mean a Lot. I have NEVER liked ice cream......ever, even as a wee wollf cub. Always leaned toward salty, bitter tastes. Maybe because the brain chemistry is levelled out? Wonder if I'll turn into a pudgy old guy?

Ladies, don't worry.....Not gonna happen......although I did just eat about a pint of Haagen-Daz Banana Split heaven........hmmmm, tummy hurts.

OK, kinda boring, but I've been answering e-mails all evening and I'm gonna turn this thing off.

Eff Bin Ladin. Eff him big time. Have you ever noticed that Muslim Fundamentalist can be shortened to.......Em Effer? Obviously I just did. Note to all other (much more talented Bloggers),

First Dibs on the Copyrite for Em Effers! I can just imagine the bumper stickers and tee shirts now. Frank J at IMAO would be so proud.

That is all.

Would that they could.......

Never mind. The self is the least of it. Let our scars fall in love. ~Galway Kinnell



Wow. Sometimes I just have nothing else to say. Very rarely to be sure.....but Sometimes.



I'm tired tonight. Gonna shower and hit the rack. Wish me good dreams. I wish them to you.



I realised tonite that No one cries alone.



G'night.

Philosophy Night

You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep. ~Navajo Proverb

We perceive that the person is asleep. We do not see the reality that she is not.

Each person's reality is not only subject to their individual perceptions, but is actually different.
Mine is definitely askew of yours and quite possibly not even able to be understood, just as I, with my different reality cannot understand yours.

A relatively simple concept, I happen to be color blind. Severely. How can I possibly put into words the reality that I perceive?

You'll attempt, quite naively, to understand by holding up an object and asking, "What color do You see?". I don't have an answer for you. If you could look through my eyes, you would probably see something in the white-gray-black, tinged with red, the only color that I truly see as you do.

Is the beautiful Mrs.P's heart "asleep"? If it is, can I do anything to awaken it? And what if she is simply feigning sleep? Then I surely cannot.

Just as you cannot see my reality, I cannot see yours. And yet our realities are intertwined, never to be totally unraveled.

We are each here, born to our parents, Wed to our spouses for a reason. To understand. But how?

I can't understand a woman that I have lived with for twenty years. Frustrating to finally have my mind freed of its constraints and quite probably not being able to share this new wonder with Her.

Sorry about the rambling, had a bit of conversation with the beautiful Mrs.P that was not very encouraging as to the longevity of our marital relationship. Nothing she sees as bad at all. Too much damage done to a fragile and unforgiving soul.

Well, I don't need her. I'll love her, and if this ends, that Love will fade, but I shall cling to this new and pure form of Love, I think they call it agape' in the Greek, for as long as I am able. She deserves no less.

I can love her in this form, even from the loving bed of another woman.

Think I have to Howl a bit.
Or Hunt. There's always prey to be had, the wolf just needs to sniff it out.

In nomine Patris et fillii et Spiritus Sancti ........

Goodnite. Lotsa thoughts there that should probably be expounded on.
Love someone with all your Soul. But don't Need them.

righton

Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth. ~Ludwig Börne



That's it for serious. Lil' wolfie had a soccer game this mornin' after spending the night with me over here at Walkabout House. Dam, that boy's a clone. A bit more athletic than I was, more than likely, and knock on wood, he'll have more sense than me regarding things like ridin' bulls and volunteering to jump out of perfectly functioning aircraft.



Might avoid the ADD that way. Anyhoo, the evening was'bout the same as they've become since ol' Wollf started his quest. Dinner and philosophy conversation, (don't be concerned, I was able to keep up with him.....well, kinda), a nice long walk out through the neighborhood, (didn't realize that we were downright infested with evil enemies....he got 'em all), and then did a little two person video gaming, I did the Acceptance blog, and lights out. Any evening with that cub is a good one.

Reasonable day, too. Boy can Play goalie. The beautiful Mrs.P swung by the park and picked him up for piano lesson, we had a brief and unemotional, (for me anyway), conversation and away they went.

Went for another hike, it's cooled down quite a bit, but Still had to remove three rattlers from the trail. Dam suburbanites see 'em on the trail, go all ape shi-ite and crush the poor critters with whatever rocks they can find. Me, I'm still just dumb and animal loving enough to pick 'em up and send 'em on their way downhill and out of the way.

Point of fact: Most suburbanites don't like snakes. All suburbanites Hate rats. Snakes EAT rats.
Getting the corollary here? Less snakes=More rats. That's math there.

Oh, and how 'bout coyotes? If you live in suburbia surrounded by wilderness, you are going to see coyotes.....probably one of Nature's most adaptable species. Especially when it's dry.

There is absolutely NO friggin' reason to set up a neighborhood committee to "discuss" where the pets are disappearing to. No need to hang a flyer on the street sign looking for your missing little friend. Yep, I feel for you, but let's do a Nature fact:

When it's Dry in the Wild, animals will search out water. A Coyote is an Animal. You have a friggin' Pool.....aka......water.

So, following the logic trail, we can then postulate that the Coyote, being thirsty, smells your Pool. Decides to visit......by the way, usually with a few of his closest friends, gets a drink, notices little fluffy hissing "menacingly" and does what Coyotes are wont to do.

Dinner. Free. Easier than chasing down a rabbit or a ground squirrel. Cats are dumb that way. They see a Coyote and think they can stare it down. Doesn't ever work. Domestication was a bad bit of human originated evolution for the cat.

So, folks, please stop inviting me to your meetings. I'm just gonna tell you the truth about that Coyote "happy dance" you heard last night, and you're going to call me cruel. Nope, I'm really not.

But you truly are a Dumba$$ for leaving fluffy out all night.

Oh, yeah, Eff Hasbro Toys.... G.I. Joe stands for Government Issue. Not Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity! WTF? I'm not going any further with this one. People's panties in a bunch all over the news....saves me typing. And besides..........

Eff you people that are making a Huge deal about it.

To sum up:
Snakes eat Rats
Coyotes have a taste for stupid small Pets
Suburbanites are generally clueless as to the Reality of wilderness.
It's a friggin' Doll, already. Give the moaning a break.

Yup, you guessed it; started the Blog as my meds wore off. Heh.

That is all.
Dismissed.

Well, Now that That's off my chest.......

Much better day! ACCEPTANCE. Lotsa meaning there. But with faith. Got a positive....well, let's just say "acceptable" response to a clarification email between myself and the beautiful Mrs.P.

I've finally accepted that this whole thing might not have the outcome that I've been hoping for, and I realize that I'm ok with it. No, I don't want the big "D" word in my life, but I will get through it and continue on my journey.

Point of fact is that this "dark" time in my life has been the turning point so that I've been able to see the light for once. No matter how it turns out, I will have made significant steps toward enlightenment. Toward being the best Man that I can be.

Toward loving as we were meant to. Without expectation of being loved in return. And passing on that ability to my cubs. They will become beter Men and Fathers and Husbands because of this.

This particular understanding came to me courtesy of a Man that said to me, because of who he is, a Most Astounding thing. "You don't need her". The Raven is more my friend than he can imagine. It must have been terribly hard for him, but he said Exactly what I needed to hear. He redirected my thinking with four simple words. That, of course is why he has the Raven as his Native Amerind Totem.

"The Raven", the Teacher.

Thus, once again, Understanding from an unexpected source.

In order to Love, one cannot Need the object of that love.

Now, I'm done with this sort of sharing for a bit. This new and (to me), Profound Understanding is going to percolate for a while. I don't feel any misgivings about this. It'll work or it won't. No regrets, no more remorse. I shall Love the beautiful Mrs.P anyway.

From her bed, or if I become involved with another Woman. Doesn't matter. She has given me too much to deny.

Next time.............Funny.......Promise.

Thank you to the Raven