Ten Puns........

It is said that the ability to make and understand PUNS is the highest level of language development. Here are the top 10 winners in the International Pun Contest.

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The Stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, ‘Dam!’

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says, ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. But why they asked, as they moved off. ‘Because,’ he said, ‘I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.’

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, ‘They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.’

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to ‘persuade’ them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is SO BAD, it’s good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And, finally, there was the person who posted ten different puns, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make his readers laugh. No pun in ten did

He apologized.........

For telling the truth in the Halls of Congress.......

Some more "silly" Amerind.....

A Cree man and a Peskotomuhkati woman who have never met before find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

After the initial embarrassment and uneasiness, they both go to sleep. The Cree man in the upper berth, and the Peskotomuhkati woman in the lower berth.

In the middle of the night the Cree man leans over, wakes the Peskotomuhkati woman and says,"I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly reach over and get me another blanket."

The Peskotomuhkati woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye says, "I have better idea. Just for tonight let's pretend that we are married."

The Cree man happily says, "OK! AWESOME!"

Then the Peskotomuhkati woman says "GOOD..... Get your own blanket."

I'm glad I didn't marry a Tribal girl........

*We were up early, Little Tiberius has a nasty cough, going back to the Vet today.....*
He'll be ok....I "feel" it.
Wollf

Posted with no comment.......

...because a comment isn't necessary....well, except......"creepy".....

H/T to the Master Chief Airdale......a Minkee of High Repute.
Wollf

A lot of People figure I'm a Cowboy.......

.......because I was born and bred in Arizona. Here's one of favorite Cowboy stories for a Labor Day afternoon......

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen.

He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

"I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain 't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don't want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly.

He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, what happened back in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!"

Lil'Wolfie........

.....playin' the Football!!!

Because I am the Papa Wollf, you will ocassionally be forced to deal with the photos of #77 making a hit.....

So there. Happy Labor Day, Dragn and I are heading up to walk around Main Street Ventura....always a good time.

Be good, Go Steelers!
*the little ones*
Wollf

Gotz a Friend..........

.......For Uber.

Ok, before I post this, let me fill in the "newer" Folkes, and a bit of opinion.....

First, let me say that a DOG.......is the ultimate Friend and companion, and the medium-big are the best.......

I have had the Biggest, her name was Heidie, a Great Dane, that my First born--*G-d Rest Her Soul*--.....rode, as in really Rode, when she was three years old.Died young, as the breed is wont to do....good dog.

The smallest dog that I have ever had was a Terrier mix, about twenty pounds, and the goofiest companion that I have ever had......my tendency is toward Labs.....medium sized, and LAL----Loyal and Loving....

Okey dokes.....the Lair, although my young Bride calls it the Menagerie sometimes, is comprised of.......

Uber Doggen Snool....AKC Choclate Labrador, the tall, muscular, North American Breed.

Ransom of Red Chief......Orange-Red, Maine Coon Kitteh.

Four Birds....too many names to mention, but they are Parakeets....stories of these dodo heads will follow.

T-Rex.....Australian Frilled Dragon.....currently at about 20 inches long, a sweethear that we All hope stays that way, as he will be three feet long by the end of the year.....*whats a Frilled Dragon, you ask?.....* Look Here .......

But as always, I have digressed....(ADD, ain't it wonderful?)......

Gotz a new Dog! His name is Tiberius Maximus...... You do Not want to approach the Lair without warning.....no, Srsly....here He is, and don't worry, he's getting along famously with his two new Brothers, Uber and Ransom......

Oh.....Tiberius would be the Black one.........


Ok, he's a half Chihuaha, half Gray Fox mix....see those ears?......heh, he's not much in size, but....oh crap, I think I Loves the little squirt.

Has some attitude.......
Wish him luck, he's got some stuff wrong with him, but We, Dragn and Me, are going to nurse this little "poop" back to 100%.......

One smart Dog.....Uber, as you can see, loves him....Ransom finally has a Dog he can slap around.....and Dragn?.......Let's just say that Maternal Instinct has kicked in at about 0-120mph in ....oh, Zero seconds..... heh.

Yes, those are 'Zona Colors, Red and Blue......Did I tell you 'Zona won yesterday?
Happy Labor Day,

Wollf......and his Lady, Dragn