Hi there Chicago.........P.C.?

Ya Friggin Hoo........eh?

Quite a day. Quite, quite a day.

Way goofy at the office. One of the admin ladies found out about this whole marital fiasco. Walked, rather "sashayed" into my office and burdened me with her caring. Started with the "you poor man's" and moved relatively quickly to the downright uncomfortables. Aaagh.

Heh. The trials and tribulations of the Pure at Heart. Double heh.

Decided, because I can, to insert another of the Falcon photos I took yesterday. They make me feel good. Writing this crap also makes me feel good.

Finding out that Unicorns really exist makes me feel Great. Listen to the self proclaimed Wise One, little Unicorn. He may not be a Beacon in a gloomy night, but at least he'll try to make you laugh a bit. Sorry dear readers of this stuff, but for some unknown reason, I think I've taken another step toward Becoming. Had to give a quick shout out of thanks.

So..............Dam the muggle patch, full steam ahead..................

House is on the tube tonight. One of the Very few shows that I will faithfully watch. Something about the character reminds a Lot of people of me.

I disagree vociferously. I'm quite a bit better looking and I don't limp. Ok, after that hike Sunday, maybe I limp a "little".

Frank J. over at IMAO posted a humor blog about doing away with obnoxious pint sized Persian presidents. With prejudice I might add. I don't know for once what was funnier, his Posting, or the Comments.

Pie? Abigail, everyone likes pie. Ridiculous to assume that anyone wouldn't. Mayonnaise, on the other hand.......eeewwwk.

Oh yeah, because of House, I gotta go pretty quick.

Ahmadinnerjacket said that there are no Gays in Iran. It's 'cuz the friggin Mullah lovin' Midget in a bad suit Hangs the poor suckers! What a steaming pile that guy is.

Anyway, those of you who have been unfortunate enough to have been with me through this entire period of my life have doubtless noted a certain change of timbre, a redirection in my writing, kinda from the sublime to the ridiculous, with a little bit of the shi-ite shoveling thrown in. That of course is the therapy part. Try not to begrudge me that self indulgence.

As I've said. This is the embodiment of my Quest. If I can help another heart. If I can support another person with ADD. If I can impart a bit of home spun philosophy that touches someone, makes them smile or even cry a bit......that's what I want to do.

I've moved to a more joyful place in a pretty damn short period of time, and a lot has to do with this writing....yeah, and doing the hard work too. Ya know it don't come easy. But for tonite at least, I'm Reassured that.........

Wedon'tcryalone.

I need some ice cream. Gotta work out and watch the show.

Hit the rack and think of little miracles.

Wollf has left the building

Monday, Monday.........

All righty then. Cubs are back at the Beautiful Mrs. P's. I'm.....oops. TIME FRIGGIN" OUT!!

Gotta remove the muggle, or I'll be straight on topic all night. There, done. Whew, I woulda been more boring than usual, heh.

So, right to subject so the friggin' bird picture makes sense. I am in this new world that I've explained countless times now. The new found Focus has Allowed me to have passion. Let me clear that one up.

The ADD was a Bitch to live with. I got kicked in the head by a less than friendly Brahma when I was about 19. Split the melon pretty good. Had another episode way down South in the late 70's that kinda added to the problem. We "may" discuss that one at a later date if I figure there's a statute of limitations out country.

Anyway, I was a straight A kinda kid, and then things just kinda started sliding. Attention span moved out of the neighborhood. Memory actually moved out of state and left no forwarding address.

The real Bitch about the whole thing is that I didn't realize it. O K, I guess I did in a way, but I'd forget about my concern, or get distracted and not chase down the cause. I remember thinking, and Saying over the years that "something" wasn't right in my skull.

Then, this whole separation thing came down. I was a thoughtless jerk. I said the first thing that came to mind, and it wasn't good stuff a lot of the time. I "embarrassed" Mrs.P.

Huh? When? Tell me about it? Now, though, I remember. Hey, I'm still a guy, I can't possibly remember all the details of my bad behaviour like you wimmin can......So, now I'm treated. My dopamine inhibitors and uptakes are working a Lot better.

And, thus, for the first time in forever, I Have passion! (see how I got back to the subject before the muggle patch kicked out? I Planned it. I can plan and execute long range goals. Hoo Ha!

Two Major interests/passions have shown up. Not really shown up......it's just that I can follow up on them now, I don't get distracted by any little thing and then forget to get back to what I wanted to do.

So.........you can guess number one. (hint............you're reading it, Sparky). Always wanted to write. Now I can do it. Don't need validation for it either. I just want to. Heh. And if you're here and still reading, that gives me personal satisfaction even though I don't even know you're here.

Two........ta daa....(tiny little trumpet), Photography. In particular nature. Going along with that is my love of raptors. Birds of prey for the uninitiated.

Thus the Picture. That, lil' buddies, is a Kite. A Western, White Tailed Kite. One of the shyest and to me, most beautiful of the birds of prey. Harder than shi-ite to get a decent picture of. Can't get close enough, and when they "kite", (as in hang almost motionless in the air), they're fluttering their wings just to make a photog's picture blur.

I hid in the bushes. And waited. ADD, remember? Woulda been nigh impossible for me to do a month ago. I'm pretty proud of the pic. And best of all........I'm now inspired to get all my stuff together and make a Portfolio. (yes, capital P). I've got some really good stuff, and it deserves to be sorted and fixed and finally.....shared.

Like my thoughts. Like my screwy humor. Like my angst and my tears and my anger.

Better here than in polite company.

Thanks for putting up with me. Patch is way gone now........

Eff Ahma Dinner jacket, good catch on that screwup to the Prez of Columbia, even though the midget dictator didn't get it.

Eff Dwarves that live in the desert. Not necessarily talking about Iran.....heh. Oops, got pulled away for a bit. A real interesting call.........a particularly sorry a$$ excuse for a Marine who ended up turning into "quite a fine Leader of Men" in the silly a$$ Navy.

Not a real surprise to hear from him, I'd sent out an sos for a friendly ear. Just kinda surprised that he's still up to no good...........hmmmm.

Alright, I've gotta sign off. I'll reread tomorrow and fill in the gaps.

I still don't like mayonnaise.

Wow, what a day.......

Actually, what a weekend. Mrs.P., of course was out of town. Man, I could start on that but I won't.

Cub, both lil' and big....and even the she-cubb spent a lot of time with old Wollf.
Great and fun times were definitely had. Ended with a four hour hike out into the wilds.

Wanted to show Bigger what kinda waterfalls we have around here. Pretty sure he won't be taking Lil wolfie out to swim in this one. Really beautiful country we hiked.

Tell the truth, it friggin wore me out. Both the cubs are in better distance shape than me. I covered by "enjoying the scenery". You ever hear me say that on a hike, you can be ever so certain that it's tiring me out a bit. Heh

That picture at the top gives you an idea of the place we went. That speck is Bigger after rock climbing up the side of the cliff. I'm really lovin' my new Sony SLR camera. I'll be posting more and more of my stuff as I blog. We got back and polished off a whole fried chicken, tater salad and coleslaw. Nice late lunch.

Eff mayonaise. Never liked it, Never will. To make a great coleslaw Or tater salad, you Have got to use Miracle Whip. And throw in some raisins for the coleslaw.

Note to self: Besides all the Other things that I'm going to require in a mate, add Miracle Whip in the fridge. It's right G-Damit next to the Mayonaise at the market. Doesn't take a whole hell of a lot of effort, and it might just show Me that you care enough to reach two bottles over on the shelf and spend an extra three bucks.

And although I don't drink, quit snaggin' my wine. Maybe I just like the dam bottle.
Aaagh, I'm tired, took off the muggle patch and "saw" her when I dropped off the cubs. Didn't say much of anything to her. Didn't have much to say that I felt compelled to share. She wants to talk to me....her text messaging fingers can also dial a phone number.

Jeezers, I'm in a rare mood. I'll cut outta here before I work myself up. Just no sense in it.

File me under "D" for Done.
Later

Just Holdin' on.........

Guaranteed short. Actually, I'm going to put this off til' tomorrow. Simply didn't want to miss a night. Therapy Has to be continued.

Got a lady that I don't even know that I'm concerned about.

Got a Lady that I do know that I'm slowly becoming less concerned about.

Got a couple humorous stories left inside me, but I've got a movie to watch. Mebbe I'll review it for you.

Carry on.

Friday Night Lite......

Well, we Will be short tonite. Got the cubs, and the she-cub's comin' over a bit later. Out with her buddies, don't ya know.

Their Mrs. P. is out for the weekend with the Jewel. Girl getaway as it were. Bigger cub wanted me to sleep over at "our" house. Usual 15 year old reasons...His computer's there, his pals, etc forever.

He called Mrs. P. without my knowledge and she had the friggin' temerity to say that it was fine with her....."where's Wollf going to sleep?".....the guest room was her thought.

Nope. Couple of items of misunderstanding on their parts. First, I Will not sleep at that house until I am Invited, in my Own Friggin' bed, with my Wife, and most Importantly......When I Decide to. Remember? I'm done. Still love her.....but the Bravo Sierra has to be over and I have to Know I'm not gonna step right back into an untenable situation.

My terms now. Her terms too. But a dialogue has to be opened, we have to really friggin' Address the issues that have been avoided for so long, and competition for the friggin spotlite has to stop.

Kinda what I was concerned about in earlier therapy blogs. I truly am Becoming. I get the problems now. I Know what my shortcomings were and I have and will continue to extinguish them. I am Also becoming more and more aware that My issues were not the sole cause of our situation. She's got some work to do still on herself 'cuz I won't be real interested in resuming a relationship with Any woman who can't communicate her feelings to me.

Privacy and respect for her personal thoughts and space is an absolute with me, but I'm By G-d not gonna deal with the walls that she's had around herself again. I never had an idea of How friggin' upset she might be at any time.

So, there it is for tonite. I can tell you that I'm Better. I haven't Become yet, but I'm actually starting to Enjoy my quest. Sorry that this was so "Me" tonite, but I think I'm about complete in my self immolation here and I can turn to just talking the ins, outs, quirks, and goofiness of my ADD mind and throw in a lot more philosophy and humor. I'm not promising Good philosophy or Good humor like some of the Great Blogs out here, but I'll do my best.

AND.......this serious blog tonite is not my fault at all. Blame a guy named Frank J at IMAO. He's the one selling female shaped nutcrackers.

Scarred me for life. Maybe the Beautiful Mrs.P. should sue him for alienation of affection.

Be good Mrs. P., and the Jewel. And enjoy the bottle of My wine that you swiped. Heh. Like I care.....don't drink anymore. 13 friggin' weeks.

Goin' downstairs, visit with the housemate. Haven't told ya about that one? Not sordid at all......but I do enjoy a nice lookin' woman's company.

Your fault Frank J. Shouldn't have read your wonderful blog tonite.
Eff the Reverend Jackson and those friggin' creeps that want to turn themselves into a Civil Rights case. They are THUGS, Jesse. Nothing more, nothing less.

A$$ho(e!

I'm gone.

But Mom....I don't Wanna !......

So there I am, all relatively content that this nightmare is over, and I get well respected Professional advice "not to throw in the towel just yet"

Aaagh. O K, Doc, if you say so....but I'm done. Done with needing. Done with hoping. Done with walking around on friggin' eggshells because of Anyone. She can do what she wants to do....I'll do what I Need to do.

So that's it for that. (for tonite, anyway), it's harder than I might imagine, I'm sure, to fully extricate myself from a web that took 20 years to build. Stupid is what this all is now, and I may be a lot of things, but stupid ain't one of 'em.

As an aside though, insinuating yourself into the life of a married woman, Especially one who's married to a fellow with a past as "interesting" as mine.........Now That is Stupid.

Got the cubs over tonite, lil'wolfie and I just finished dinner and setting up a war scene for him to wreck poste haste after he finishes his homework. Bigger is doin' his Drum thang over at the high school...........Hey, that reminds me!

Had a Bomb Threat at the school a couple days ago. That's what prompted the end game conversation with Mrs.P. Made for a day of cluster-eff such as I truly haven't seen since Diego in the 70's.

Got a call from the she-cub,(senior, remember), that the student body was being evac'd to the football field. She felt that this was a less than prudent idea, as she has the imagination to see a possible setup. I'll explain this one simply and Without detail......Maximum targets in minimum area equals maximum damage.

She decided, while on the dam phone with me, that it would be wiser to leave the hot zone. As in, in Her words, (well, she Might have heard them "somewhere)...Escape and Evade. I hear through her phone, a male voice yelling,"Come back here", followed by she-cub's "Gotta go, Dad".......

Next I heard from her she was in her jeep and motoring safely home. Deputy Dawg didn't stand a chance at catching her. I told her she could have been in Big trouble, to which she matter of factly responded, "12.6 hundred meters, Daddy. He wasn't going to catch me. And besides, Daddy, I was Scared".

Yes, I did my parental duty and "got her in trouble", but not so much. She called me "Daddy", she was "Scared".....and she did remind me that she'll be turning 12.6's or better come spring for the Track Team. Heh, girl knows how to run her Dad.

So, to end this story, I still had to leave work for Three friggin' hours, stand in the sun in a Huge crowd of concerned parents, show I.D. Twice, in order to free Bigger wolfie from the stadium. (He's not anywhere as Fast or Independent as his older sis.)

The day was a pain all the way around, and the Evac and subsequent "crazies" are what precipitated the "I'm firggin' Done" conversation with the kids' mom.

That's it for tonite, gotta go get Bigger. Here's one we can "possibly" All get together on:

Eff Ahmadinnerjacket! That rat ba$t#@$d wants to lay a wreath at Ground Zero? For whom? (sorry, I know when to use who or whom...doesn't mean I'm a prissy pants.)
The Fallen? Or the friggin' Hijackers?

One, he shouldn't be allowed in the Country, let alone at that Memorial, and Two, if he is allowed there, he should be introduced to the Ironworkers and Carpenters on site. Let them show him some New York hospitality. Heh

Ok, Hit he racks, you've got a long day tomorrow.